


Heathens

by CassanderRoshack



Series: Burn My Lungs & Curse My Eyes [4]
Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Alcohol, Binge Drinking, Blood, Continuation, Doomed Timelines, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, End of the World, Ending Series, Everyone is Dead, F/F, F/M, Gen, Good ending?, Gore, I'm running out of things to say, Insomnia, M/M, Multi, Murder Mystery, Nobody is Dead, Other, Possible part 4, Serial Killer, Sex, Tension, crazy people, drug usage, hehe, third part in series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-04-25 21:01:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4976413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassanderRoshack/pseuds/CassanderRoshack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after the fanfiction "Nicotine" and the side fanfiction (that isn't directly apart of the timeline), "Teeth".</p><p>Dirk Strider has defied the high powers that have sought out to end his life. They kidnapped him, burnt him, threw him in prison, took away everything he loved, and then did it all over again until there wasn't an inch of him that they didn't shatter. After escaping the wrongful imprisonment for the murder of Nathanial Morris, he is now finally... a free man. </p><p>But who knew free would be so problematic. Though he survived, he's still trying to put his life back together and he only knows how by pushing the people he loves away now he won't drag them down with him. He's utterly convinced himself that he's better off alone, away from the war he knows that is soon coming, and unwilling to cause anymore anguish that he's sure will come in his wake. The nightmares keep coming though, and he's forced to pay a visit to the woman known as the Handmaiden to find out where his destiny truly lies. In this reality to die as a coward, or the Game's to die as a hero.</p><p>Read the third and possibly final installment of the "Burn My Lungs & Curse My Eyes" series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Aftermath

_It was happening again. The cold settled over him as he felt his lungs slowly still in their rapid movements. It felt like someone had poured ice water down his throat and it slowly froze him from the inside out. He felt himself falling backwards through thick black nothingness, as if taken from his very bed to explore this darkened world. Whatever he was sinking into felt almost like oil with its inky black texture and thickness; the substance stopped him from breathing completely. Soon he stopped slowly sinking and hovered over the ground in a reclined position._

_He could feel his heart slowing as his orange eyes open, eyelashes making ripples as they lifted for him to see. Out of the blackness he saw images flickering around him, like thousands of televisions coming to life but without the actual televisions, just screens flickering into existence. His head barely moved as he looked at each. Soon they all formed into one and he was staring into a future that he felt he knew, but had not lived yet. His throat was raw as he opened his mouth, staring eyes widening as the ache in his chest to breathe became more and more apparent._

_He saw an older version himself rising from the flames of a burning building, and slicing a meteor in half to break it away from destroying the apartment he’d grown up in. He saw Roxy punching down so hard it smashed a monster with jeweled eyes into pieces. A much older version of Jake’s granddaughter Jane fighting the Condense herself before dying, John’s father flicking a match onto a beast for it to erupt in flames, his brother slicing two men’s heads off, Rose stabbing someone’s eyes out with needles._

_Dirk Strider saw himself and his friend’s fall, only to rise again in their god tiers to land on a platform with hundreds of others. They turned slowly to look at a hulking green creature, whose maw opened to charge up a ray that his orange eyes reflected the last moments of his life. He tried to put his arm up to defend himself, but he was too slow. Feeling that raw burn throughout his body that gagged him and set the oil he was swimming in aflame immediately afterward. He turned his face away to see a woman standing not six feet from him. Her long Chinese dress fluttered in the blast and her elderly face looked displeased at him, white hair hanging down in tendrils as her red eyes bore holes into his soul. She too was enveloped and destroyed in the light._

 ~~~  
                He jerked awake, coughing at the weight in his chest. His arm had shot out to the bedside table to support himself from falling off his bed completely. Dirk blinked rapidly, feeling the sting in his skin even though the dream was over. He pushed himself away from the surface to sit up completely. A full moment of breathing in and out relaxed him enough to run his fingers through his hair to brush it back out of his eyes. Dirk let out another sigh, shaking him to try to rid himself of the imaginary sting on his skin. Or at least, he had demanded his mind to recognize them as imaginary.  
                His hair needed to be cut again and as soon as he pushed it back it flipped in front of his face, much to his distaste. His eyes flickered over to the space where Jake usually kept him from rolling completely off the bed at night. Another deep sigh was dragged from his lips as his hands to brush over it to find it cold. Jake wasn’t beside him last night because of some late television show meeting about the discussion of social justice in today’s age and clearly he hadn’t found his way back into bed yet. He had learned to expect that recently, Jake rarely made it home before dawn. And even then, he rarely slept in his bed anymore. If he did, he usually was called away for something dire and promised to be back soon. He never was.

                Dirk fell back into bed for a moment, letting out a huff of breath before looking up at the orange digit colored clock. He nearly snarled at the time before getting up to go to the bathroom connected to his bedroom.

                After the game, they washed up on a beach somewhere in Florida, confused out of their minds but happy to be alive- not to mention together. They had beaten the Game after several years; being almost into their early twenties by that point. In the end, they had been asked what their heart desired and were offered one wish each. At that point, they were all so emotionally and physically attached to each other that they asked for a perfect world that they would live together with their memories. It had gone black for them and when they woke up, they simply sat on the beach in tears, holding onto each other as the sun rose. Dirk had suggested Texas. It had something for each of them and they had even found an apartment similar to the blonde’s old residence after a grueling process of making fake IDs. They had rented the entire floor which included four apartments, put a lock on the lift, and started odd jobs to keep the rent and utilities up. Dirk reminded himself, at the thought of utilities; that he needed to pay for his along with pick up some hair gel. His tongue clicked angrily looking at the near empty container in his medicine cabinet. Clearly the part about the ‘perfect world’ had gotten fucked up in the end too, since now they had the huge problem of the Game bleeding into their reality.

                He glanced at the mirror and ran a hand through his hair again. It normally stayed in his usual style, but having it grow out so often made it lose its shape. Dirk made another mental note to steal Jane for a haircut, grabbing his comb and what remained of his hair gel to get it some sort of livable state. A quick use of the bathroom and he was out into the main room, looking around at the piles of tools he’d left to sit. It was quiet in his apartment for this early in the morning; which he preferred.

                The front door was shut, more often locked now days than any of his friends would have liked. The windows were drawn and sown shut tightly as he flicked on the stereo to blast whatever he had left the CD on the night before. Sure, he was a lot more technologically advanced than CDs at this point in his life, but for some reason ten thousand songs didn’t replace the weight of a hundred CDs. It was like they were made more real by their actual mass instead of the actual things they contained. Heavy dubstep poured from the speakers, relatively blocking out any of the street sounds that managed to reach the apartment this far skyward.

                He sat down in his living room that since his return, had pretty much been completely remade into a work shop. The television mounted to the wall was still there, but the couch and table had been pushed to the far side of the room. The carpet rolled up and stuffed into the corner beside it. The only reason why it wasn’t in the closet was because that was pretty much bursting at the seams already with junk he didn’t use around the apartment. What could he say, he horded things. Mostly parts or anything he planned on fixing or making into other things. Often than meant they were going to get forgotten about until Jane demanded him to clean and then he spent the entire day acting like it was Christmas… or at least that used to happen. Jane no longer entered his apartment without his permission, Jake even knocked now. Though thankfully, Roxy still barged her way in.   
   
                Dirk hadn’t even bothered to put anything on beside his black boxer shorts that were rather snug. The music deafened him and in the lowlight he could see every part on his desk laid out with careful thought. His hand brushed along them for a moment before he picked up the smallest screwdriver to twirl between his long pale fingers. He had lost his tan since six months ago. It had nearly been gone by week six. Dirk nearly smiled, looking at the scarred skin of his hand as it continued to twirl the metal between his fingers. For someone from Texas, he never held a tan worth a damn. He’d simply burn until his skin looked dark enough to be called a decent tan. He pulled his newest project toward him and started to tighten the bolts inside of it. In all honesty, he wasn’t exactly sure what it was going to be yet. It was simply a core to operate whatever he wanted. It would provide power, though for what hadn’t been decided. Dirk wondered if that was bad planning on his part. If he made it too large, it would blow the circuits on whatever he put it into. If it was too small, it would burn itself out. He sighed, flicking it with his finger in distaste and a part fell off.

                He could almost hear Jake from where he usually took up residence on the couch, usually with a book or newspaper. The smells of tea and spice body wash radiating from him. Jake would often peek over the edge of the paper and stare at him before saying something profound like, ‘the artist is always his worst critic’ and then get up to make him something to drink or eat. Dirk finally did smile at that. That was something that all of his friends had gotten into the habit of doing; making sure he ate and slept. It was like they were worried that he would just lean against something and stand forgotten until the world ended. He glanced at the clock again and tapped his fingers. It was early in the morning, and Jake would be driving home by this point if he kept to his chaotic schedule. Dirk got paced the room, thinking for a moment, before sitting back down. He was going stir crazy in this apartment that he hadn’t left more than maybe five times since six months ago.  
  
                It had been a fortunate turn of events when he had finally made it home after the prison. He had tried to wash its existence out of his mind forever. Along with everything he had learned in that place. When he had returned home, he had been greeted with open arms and a handful of medication that made him nearly black out as soon as he took them. The medicine wasn’t pushed by any of his friends, but by the doctors that examined him now he could make an official return to the living. Dirk had dealt with psychologist after psychologist before they told him everything that he already knew. He was lucky to be alive, was in a severe depression, that he had people to talk to… _blah, blah, blahhh._ He thought the last part to himself before snorting. But they had offered him medication; things that made the hallucinations stop all together. Made the loudest of rooms so quiet one could hear a pin drop. Jake didn’t care for them, saying that they made Dirk like a zombie or completely emotionless.

                Of course, Dirk’s response had been something along the lines of ‘deal with it’. He winced at his own crassness even though it had been several months that he had actually snapped at him and he had been clearly under a lot of stress. All of his friends had noticed the new and lack of attributes to his physical and mental side. The new tattoos and piercings he had gotten from the once troll Gamzee, now human Gabriel (who they still hadn’t found in the rubble of the prison), inspired awe. And just like their counterparts of lacking attributes; weight became a concern of all the doctors he saw and to his friends. Even in the six months since his late night return, he hadn’t seemed to gain much body fat back. His gauntness didn’t show anywhere besides his chest and face. Even then, it didn’t seem to bother him all that much since he had the same amount of stamina as the rest of his friends did and ate normal meals.

                But Dirk could see the lines on Jake’s face when they would lie together and his fingers would ghost over the digits of ribs he could count in the blonds skin. It seemed like he did nothing but worry him now days. Dirk breathed out a slow sigh and reached inside his desk drawer to pull up the false bottom for the pack of cigarettes he had hidden there. That was another attribute, but not one of them seemed to like. He took out a drag as soon as he lit it, letting the sweet smelling smoke curl in the air around him. Jake definitely didn’t like him smoking, but what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. Besides, most of the time he let the stick turn into a long cylinder of ash before he would do anything about it.

                All of his friends seemed to have a different way of dealing with him and his not exactly new personality too. He had taken things with him from the prison. The stand-off-ish attitude as Jane would have called it. Jake seemed to voice his opinion but then let it go unspoken thereafter, Roxy seemed to appease him the most, and Jane was constantly telling him to shape up. Which, much to his own dislike, he immediately bristled at and told her to step-off. It wasn’t like he wanted to start a fight with her. It was just… normal, and staying inside the house made it even worse after a while. Yet he wouldn’t leave. He took another drag and let it calm his nerves, listening to the base drop hard enough to shake the screws on his table. It would switch to ‘cool down’ song in a bit, and he leaned his head back to listen to the glass shaking music. It drowned the own pounding in his head that he still had since he had gotten up. The nightmares had never gone away, regardless of how much medicine he took or how tired he was before he went to bed. When the nightmares came, they came in full force and they were angry and howling like a demon of the night.

                Jake had woken him up many times at this point, caught in the act of clawing at his own skin or sobbing as images of his past, present and future tore through his sanity. Dirk leaned forward and put his face in his hands. It wasn’t fair. He had made the decision when he returned home to stay out of the war. Dirk had barely made it out of the prison alive. Whatever war he thought he was fit to play a part while he was in prison, clearly told him he was a fool now that he was out of that environment. He had been off his medication and god only knew what he could have done if he had actually started to wage war against the empress.

                The name brought his thoughts to a halt. When had he stopped considering her Fish Hitler and called her by her title empress? He couldn’t remember. Perhaps it was because he finally realized her as a threat, maybe it was because he respected her, or maybe it was because he actually feared her like he never had during the Game. She was just another obstacle in the Game. Another boss to beat, another bad guy to destroy… it never settled on him until much later how much distraction she had caused. The blond swallowed then let out took yet another drag. He might need two cigarettes with this train of thought. The nightmares were making him nervous… His eyes seemed to drag themselves to the piece of paper with the address written on it that Kar had given him. It was still stuck to the refrigerator and had been with several pictures and ironic comic book cutouts that Roxy had found for him.

                No, he wouldn’t be going and getting himself mixed up in that bag of cats. He purposefully looked away, not answering his question to himself why he hadn’t bothered to throw it away yet then. Jake had asked about it once, but after a smooth lie about it being a great take-out restaurant he heard about, hadn’t asked again. It bothered him how well he lied now, but found it more of an advantage than a downfall. Jake only knew what couldn’t hurt him, and that was the best kind of relationship at this point. Their relationship had gone back to what it was, except there was a lot less talking, kissing, sex, working together… video games… spending time together… Dirk ran his hand through his hair again, choosing the next cigarette with a frown. Okay, they didn’t have much a relationship at all at this point. They ate together, rarely slept together, rarely kissed, said goodbyes and ‘I love yous’… wasn’t that what relationships were about? He couldn’t remember that either.   
  
                He snapped the match between his fingers when he finished lighting it, then shook his head. “Stop thinking about that, you’re only going to give yourself a worse headache.” Dirk told himself as the song switched over to the softer music and he let the background noise that had become a buzz in his head fade. He hated the quiet that now overlaid the apartments.

                Because of him, all of his friends had had to find alternate jobs to pay the bills. Lawyers, medical treatment, court fees, and so much more were all stupidly expensive. Jake ran his own campaign, becoming some sort of civil rights activist that _sometimes_ got paid to be on television while moonlighting as police department help. Some sort of rent-a-cop or book keeper. Dirk hadn’t really ever asked about it in much detail, already feeling bad enough they had to take jobs; he supposed asking questions made it feel more real, like the CDs when one acknowledged their presence.

                Roxy had started to work as a nurse, getting her degree had been a cake-walk and had nearly finished four years of work in a mere few months. The blond had never doubted his technically biological sister in the slightest, but it was still impressive.

                Jane meanwhile, had started to work at a library at a school. None of the jobs really made that good of money, but at least they were something. And when he had tried to explain how he felt about it, he was unceremoniously shot down. Dirk still had money to help pay for bills, but they had insisted on him taking care of himself.

                Which for some reason it bothered him just for them to say that and dismiss it. Though for the life of him he didn’t know why. He knew that honesty was the best policy, or supposedly it was. But he felt that he was honest with himself enough for the lot of them. Dirk knew more about himself at this point than he cared to know and didn’t want to let anyone else see that perpetual hell he’d forced himself into. The blond didn’t really know what to do, or what to say; besides exist for the time being. Jenna had asked him to live for two, but the longer he stayed inside the apartment- because it was away from anyone he could hurt or drag into the hell he knew was coming- the more he realized what kind of existence this all actually was.

                He mentally told himself to be quiet and moved toward his desk to pick up his sunglasses, slipping them on over his nose. They seemed odd on his face since he’d gotten home. Not having worn them in almost… He paused, thinking about the number in his mind. It had nearly been two years since he was kidnapped. Dirk immediately dismissed it, having an image of Nathanial’s face pop into his head. He went toward the kitchen, making himself a single piece of toast and a glass of orange juice. He ended up going to the window, pulling back a single piece that wasn’t sown shut tightly to another to stare out over the city. The sun had just peeked over the sky scrapers and he glanced back at the number on the refrigerator. This really was starting to be quite the shitty excuse for an existence.


	2. Ties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks, sorry it's taken me so long to get chapters out for this new arc. My editor is moving and I'm drowning in work so I don't have a lot of writing juices left. Oh god that reference went somewhere wrong. Note it's like 4am my time so I'm a little loopy. Hopefully the editing isn't completely terrible.
> 
> Oh well, I'm trying to finish up a couple of things and I'm also starting up about a hundred more. God help me. I may post a poll sooner or later to see which one you all want to see first because I don't know where the hell to begin. Hopefully with the new work schedule it'll allow me more time to write. 
> 
> Don't forget to comment to tell me what you think!  
> Much love,  
> -Cass

_‎TipsyGnostalgic: Are you going to try again today?_  
  
_GolgothasTerror: I honestly don’t think that’s such a good idea. He’s in another mood again and won’t answer my texts. I’d rather not disturb him._  
  
_GutsyGumshoe: Jake, we can’t keep doing this. He needs to start trying to go back out into the world. He’s practically becoming agoraphobic._  
  
_GolgothasTerror: Then why don’t one of you ask him then. I’ve tried and he doesn’t listen to me. It’s not like he isn’t pulling his weight- he’s paid most of our bills for this month._  
  
_TipsyGnostalgic: He listens to you, Jake. You’re one of the few people he actually does listen to anymore. :(  We know he’s pulling his weight- that isn’t the problem._  
  
_GolgothasTerror: And if he doesn’t come still? Then what? I can’t really drag him outside by his ankles. He’s happy where he is; why do we have to change that?_  
  
_GutsyGumshoe: Do you really think he’s happy stuck in his apartment all day? He needs… a bit of a push. Just to get him outside again and in the fresh air? Maybe even take him for a car drive._  
  
_TipsyGnostalgic: Jane’s right, Jakey. Dirk isn’t going to get out of this rut alone. He’s scared to go back outside- hell, I don’t blame him but he can’t keep himself locked away forever. It’s been a long time since he came back. We’ve given him time to recover; now he has to take the next step._

xXx

                Jake didn't answer the chat after that, though it buzzed in his breast pocket of his button up shirt a few times. A long sigh came out of his mouth as the rain came down in a rather sluggish speed. He just didn't see the point of trying to make Dirk leave the place he had been practically nesting in since his return home. It made Dirk calm, so why did he have to be the one to yank him out of his comfort zone? Yes, he hadn’t left their apartment floor since besides maybe a grand total of twice… and both times had gone horribly when people with cameras had arrived.

                The first time had only been a mess because one of them asked Dirk personal questions about Jenna’s last words. That had just ended up with a broken camera. Then the second time Dirk had nearly gone into a psychotic break seeing an unfortunate sight of a couple arguing that ended with fists being thrown. Immediately after, Dirk had gone into a rage and tried to beat the man to death with a park bench. This had been an interesting sight to see Dirk pick up an actual park bench, but also a problem when after the man was knocked out and the woman was screaming that paparazzi had shown up. Dirk apologized later on; only to Jake and the girls, but hadn’t done a thing in the direction of the man on the ground that was bleeding from various bludgeon made wounds. Dirk hadn’t been keen on going outside since, and Jake hadn’t argued at that point. Dirk swore he went out maybe five times whenever Jane urged him to go for a walk. Which she’d not so gently remind him that getting the mail on the stairs wasn’t ‘going out’.

                He tapped his large fingers on the side of the steering wheel, watching traffic go in front of him rather than the actual light itself. An hour ago he had been at a talk show discussing the future of the Justice for Jenna Campaign and how Dirk was doing. The first discussion had clearly been the easier of the two; the latter... was one he didn't like to discuss at all. Of course the "JoJ" as he liked to call it would live on and fight for others who were wrongly done by the police or government systems. It would also be a network of victim advocates to help with rehabilitation and much more. As much as the news wanted Dirk as their cover-boy... it was hard to photograph someone who never came out of their house. Jake didn’t have any complaints about that either, and would rather have Dirk be happy inside his box until things calmed down. Which, as much as one would think, six months was not enough time for a two year old scandal of a serial killer kidnapping and murdering hundreds of victims from the tristate area under the nose of police, one of the victims being wrongfully imprisoned, then the prison burning down because of unknown reasons, then a huge issue with how the prisoners were treated inside the confines and how many people who were supposed to be dead were actually alive, to actually calm down in the slightest. It was one hell of shit storm in Jake’s opinion.

                He sighed and leaned his head back for a moment, still watching traffic as it moved as slowly as the rain did. Despite it being so stupidly early that only now the sun was rising through rain clouds, the traffic was back to back like it was rush-hour. Dirk was probably angry with him for not being there. He rarely had any other emotions than anger now days and Jake wondered if that was the main reason fueling the girl’s wish to get Dirk out of the house for a bit. It wasn’t like he would fly into a rage at the breakfast table, he would just have a constant aura of… unbridled hate that would practically radiate itself through the walls at times. It seemed to stop when Jake was with him but it would settle in the apartment while he was away like old paint on the walls. It probably would have peeled the paint off the walls if he gave it a few weeks. Jake couldn’t help but shiver a bit despite the warm air coming in through the vents of his vehicle.  
  
                He hadn't had any illusions of what Dirk would be like if he ever came back; and with that thought softly reminded himself that he nearly didn’t. If Dirk had somehow learned how to get passed what had happened to him, he expected Dirk to never be quite the same again.  
  
                Jake rolled his eyes at his train of thought and stepped on the gas pedal gingerly to make the turn at the light. Out of the four of his friends, he was the only one who he considered to be a good driver. Roxy was probably next by all of their surprise, including hers. Jane had looked forward to getting her license the most, but tended to have a heavy amount of road rage at the lack of blinkers she saw. And Dirk had simply never had the desire to drive, though he could. Even then, someone was probably going to get a finder bent.  
  
                It brought a small smile to his lips thinking about the time they had all decided to get driver's licenses. It had been much simpler times where he could finish assembling the toy guns he would sell and crawl into bed with Dirk like they could have survived the end of the world together in each other’s arms.

                The smile disappeared as he leaned back into the driver's seat, following the line of cars back into downtown Austin. They didn't do much holding anymore. They didn't do much of anything anymore. Nor had he had the confidence to bring it up to the blond. It wasn't that he feared his reaction; he just didn't want to upset him anymore than he already had.  
  
                Dirk was still so… fragile wasn’t the word that he would have chosen. He wasn’t fragile, but the opposite. Like he had made so many walls that no one would ever be able to break them down again.  
  
                He was skin and bones; or rather pale skin and sunken eyes that put him near gaunt-like... he was tattoos and metal piercings to make him somehow tougher than what the bones sticking out of his skin portrayed. It made Jake sick at the thought of how Dirk got up in the morning in nothing but shorts to stretch.

                 
                The motion wasn’t the sickening part but the sight of all the scars that decorated his back and torso that would stretch and pull, leaving them slightly redder than they were before. That because of simply how the skin had healed. The white flesh that was marred by even whiter gashes in other places made him look like he had been used as the martyr of God to be punished for sins he didn’t commit...

   
                And what probably bothered him the most of all was that Dirk didn’t seem to acknowledge what had been done to him. He seemed to just, exist inside the realm of his apartment like a painting of sorrow that had never been properly brought to life. It just stayed inside the four walls and acted as nothing had happened before and nothing would happen after.

  
                Perhaps it would break his heart if he finally snapped and yelled at him; perhaps it would be better to have something other than blankness or hatred on Dirk's features. Jake took a turn that got him on a street that the traffic wasn’t as bad on and let out a breath as he saw the apartment in the distance. The sun was rising just behind it, illuminating the windows with gold light that seemed to set the building nearly aflame and clouds were rapidly disappearing.    
  
                It was beautiful this time of day and Jake let out a slow sigh. He used to love it when the sunshine would stream through the trees of the island he grew up on. The sound of the tropical birds beginning to chirp and sing as soon as the sun rose completely was his alarm clock if he didn’t rise before they started. He felt a familiar pang of loss at the thought of his old island but dismissed it. The island was probably not even there anymore, since all parts of the game had been destroyed. His grandmother had never existed in this timeline; he had just appeared in the world, forcing Dirk and Roxy to make fake records for them when they arrived. There was absolutely no going back now.

                 
                He made a turn into the underground parking-lot a street over from the apartment and got his suitcase from the backseat. For brief second he thought he saw someone in the back seat and froze, reaching for the gun inside his jacket. Jake frowned steadily, searching the entire backseat before looking back at the mirror. Whatever he had seen was gone now and he peered into it for a few more moments. There was nothing looking at it besides his own emerald green eyes that certainly didn’t explain whatever pink he had seen; nor had there been anything pink in his backseat to reflect off of either. Jake shook his head and grabbed the suitcase, stepping out of the car and stretched. His back popped and he sighed at the feeling, closing the door behind him with suitcase in hand and keys in the other. A quick check of the lock and he was off, only glancing once behind him to make sure he didn’t drop anything. Or at least that was his reassurance to himself why he had glanced back.  
  
                The morning was surprisingly warm after a rainstorm. He let himself in as he greeted the doorman on the bottom floor who nodded at him with a small smile. He had no idea why their apartment building warranted a doorman; it wasn’t all that fancy nor was the rent all that high for their floor. They included all the four apartments into it and it wasn’t as much as it could be. Regardless, he was cordial to him. The lift headed upwards and took a while to actually get to their floor near the top. He hummed a song he heard on Dirk’s endless supply of CDs and rolled his head from side to side to work out the kinks there. Driving almost always gave him a kink in his neck.

                 
                He had to unlock the lift fairly quickly when he came to it since someone else needed to use it from the lobby. Jake hit the button to approve it to leave and slipped through the gates to shut it behind him. As soon as he hit the hallway his eyebrows knitted together. His eyes focused on Dirk’s door and he let out a steady irritated sigh. The music was so loud Dirk wouldn’t have heard him come up and the smell and sight of smoke was so thick he could have cut it with a knife even out in the hallway. Jake went to his apartment and shut the door now the damned reeking smell would hopefully be kept mostly out. He changed, trying to figure out a way to discuss what he and the girls had talked about. He hadn’t originally planned on doing it at all, but the smoking was getting to be fucking ridiculous. Jake switched to his usual black shorts and green t-shirt when he came home and went to Dirk’s apartment. He knocked, but after no answer came he let himself in.

                 
                Any clear thought erased itself looking at him and he let out a bit of a gagged breath. He couldn’t breathe the smoke, sure, but sometimes he saw Dirk in such a light that it made his brain completely still. The blond sat in his office chair, leaned back with his long legs propped up on his desk. The strange electronical core that had been his most recent muse in one hand, the other had the cigarette letting smoke curl slowly into the air around him. His blond hair was feathered backward and orange eyes narrowed in quiet thought as the music pulsed around them. Jake stared at him for a moment, his mind immediately noting that his position showed off all his muscles and he was a defined in almost a godly glow from the sun streaming in from a crack in the recently opened curtain. For a moment Jake didn’t see the gaunt in his face or the thinness in his torso. Dirk looked whole and strong, like he was some glorious leader waiting for the day to start. Dirk’s head turned a little, as if part of him had taken notice of another presence, and then the picturesque moment he walked in on was over.  
  
                Jake cleared his throat and called to him across the living room. Apparently the rest of him noticed that there was someone in the apartment and he jumped, turning off the music and looking at the incriminating evidence in his hand after he saw Jake there.  
                 
                Jake sighed at the sight of Dirk’s expressions. They went from mild panic, to fear, to anger, then to utter calm. It seemed like he reacted to everything with those four expressions in that exact order. Dirk swallowed and raised an eyebrow glancing at the clock, apparently he had lost track of time because he gave it a soul withering look. “Sleep well?” He didn’t kiss him like he normally would in the mornings in greet him. The smoke smelt bad enough he didn’t want to taste it either. Dirk put out the cigarette and shrugged, “Well enough.” He replied standing to move to open another window but shielding his face while he did it since he didn’t have his glasses on. Jake went into the kitchen to put on the kettle and glanced back at Dirk. “Have you eaten?” He called and Dirk nodded his answer, which made Jake have to lean out of the kitchen to see it.

                They lapsed into silence as per usual and Jake went to make himself a cup of tea. He was trying to flicker through things to say and made a second cup. Dirk seemed to be more willing to listen when he was chewing or swallowing something. He frowned at how his own mind immediately went to more… well, more. Jake sighed and brought him a cup, holding the rim and the handle out for Dirk to take. The blond looked up at it for a moment before reaching up a hand to take it. Jake caught sight of the rarely shown markings across his hands and looked away before Dirk caught him looking. The burns, Dirk had never explained how he had gotten them, spread across the palms of his hands. He was surprised they worked at all from how deep and scarred they were now.

                 
                Dirk usually bandaged them unless he was working with something that the fabric might catch inside. He had come home one day to see one of his projects nearly eat his hand completely. He had switched to gloves for a bit, but after a very nasty oil stain just went bare and kept the palms of his hands downward almost at all times unless it was unavoidable. “Thanks.” Dirk finally said and Jake nodded, going to sit on the couch. “You’re most welcome. I spoke to Roxy and Jane today.” He started and the blond took a sip to watch him across the rim of the mug. “About?” Dirk asked and Jake faltered for a moment, knowing that tone of voice far too well.  
  
                “They want me to get you out of the house for a bit.” Jake decided that honesty was the best policy and Dirk narrowed his eyes at him. The darker haired knew in an instant when Dirk’s walls came up. Despite knowing Dirk might snap at him, he continued, “Roxy’s two year sober mark is coming up soon. We should celebrate and we could go out to get party decorations. Ride there, trip inside the store, ride back. Nothing major… Or we could just go for a drive, not get out of the car at all.” Jake was soft spoken, holding the amber orange gaze that could have been a cross between molten lava and honey.  
                 
                For a moment Dirk almost looked like he might agree, but his hopes were dashed. “I’m sure you can accomplish that yourself.” Dirk murmured going back to tinkering with the core on his work desk, leaving the tea to grow cold until Jake took it in. Emerald eyes continued to stare at him even when Dirk turned away. He started to ignore his presence and Jake swallowed hard. Six months of living with someone who had every conversation like this was making things difficult.

                 
                “I wish you wouldn’t do that.” He whispered without really meaning to and Dirk’s eyes cut into him from where they moved to look at him. “Do what?” Jake sighed at his own stupidity, knowing this was on a fast track to a fight already. He couldn’t dismiss it, or Dirk would only get angry and demand a response of some sort. “That… You bring your walls up and then you completely shut me out. Would you just consider going out? Please? Just for a moment realize that there is something outside besides-” He murmured and Dirk bristled in front of him. “I’m doing just fine!” He snapped but Jake didn’t flinch like he would have when he was younger.  
  
                “If you want to go outside so much, how about you start with the god damn door!” Jake finally did wince and Dirk immediately stopped, almost shrinking in his office chair. “I…” He began and Jake sighed, “Don’t. You have to get this out one way or another.” He muttered and Dirk frowned at him, raising his gaze back up. Jake met the look and shrugged, not willing to elaborate. “I’m going to my room regardless. I’ve had a rough night and need sleep-” He rose and came closed to pick up the mug, only to have a hand come up to grip his wrist. Jake froze into place and turned his head to look at the blond who didn’t meet his gaze for once.

                 
                They stayed there for a moment before Dirk let go and Jake took in a deep breath before setting his mug beside Dirk’s. He hugged Dirk’s head to his chest where he was standing and Dirk remained seated. The other took a few more moments to reciprocate and Jake ran his fingers through his hair. “I love you, Dirk… I just wish you would consider it more. There is more than just these walls.” Dirk could hear the other’s heartbeat from where he had his ear and let out a calmed breath. Jake whispered that he loved him again and kissed his temple before taking both mugs into the kitchen. Dirk looked after him as Jake told him he’d be in his room if he needed him and shut the door tightly in his wake. The blond looked at the door, then at the fridge, where thin handwriting of the address in red stared blindly bright against the black reflective surface. They _all_ couldn’t keep doing this.  
  
xXx  
  
                 “Perfect timing as always, Executor.” She purred softly as the man walked into her office. He stopped a few feet from the desk and glanced at the other two people in the room. Both were men and one looked like he had been through hell and back. His deep blue eyes settled on pink ones behind gold rimmed glasses. She was applying lipstick to her rather plump lips and it was also pink in color. “It’s my duty to come when you call, your honor.” He spoke with a thick accent and glanced again at the men in the room. “Don’t worry about them, all those in this room are approved to hear what they are about to.” She leaned up in her seat, pulling out a file and setting it at the end of her desk for him to take. Her sharp nails, that seemed to match everything else about her besides the black form-fitting suit, remained on the folder. The Executor stepped forward to take the folder but the nails remained on it. “This matter is of the highest importance. You did well, bringing the one I told you get the last time to my prison. But he’s escaped again- so that will be a part of this assignment. Do you understand?”

                 
                “Yes ma’am.” The nails finally left the folder, though left scratch marks on the top and he took it. “How did the prisoners escape?” He asked after a few moments and the man in the corner of the room snarled, “None of your god damned business-!” A hand was held up from the woman who looked at him, “Enough, Durante. You’re lucky you came here and not to Hightower or your blood would be painted on the walls for your incompetency! I still have use of you or else you would have met the same end.” The man with multiple thin and two large scars across his face shut his mouth and leaned back where he was propped against the wall. His leg was in a cast and he went back to staring angrily at it. The woman’s hand dropped and her attention turned back to the Executor. Her long flowing black hair was put into a ponytail much like the Executors, though hers was far more fluffy and curling at the ends. She would have been pretty if it weren’t for the steel like gaze and the aura she portrayed to be absolutely vicious to those around her. “We were betrayed by some of Durante’s men. They thought they could wash their hands of what happened inside the prison. Those who betrayed me have been dealt with… does that satisfy your curiosity, Executor?”  
  
                He cleared his throat, knowing he had over-stepped some sort of boundary. “Yes ma’am, forgive me. I simply wished to know if the prisoner you had me capture had anything to do with this… or if he ran like a rat.” She smiled, “Either is possible. But the latter far more likely for his sort. Your mission is simple, Executor. I don’t care how you manage it. I want you to find the prisoner that you first captured for me. He goes by the name Savas now. Kill him. I don’t want prisoners this time. I believe you let the female go the last time, along with the mother? Both of them need to be silenced as well… though you’ll probably find them together.” The Executor nodded and her smile grew, “There is also the matter of a new blood that has entered our little game. I’ve been waiting a long time for him to finally stick his neck out. I originally wanted him to suffer while I found a way to make his death look like an accident. Unfortunately Durante let him slip through his fingers.” She let out a long sigh and Durante shrank a little in his corner.  
  
                “He is the main reason why Savas escaped. Unfortunately… he is much harder to find.” Her lips pursed as her nail tapped a large white ball on her desk with irritation. “My vision is limited of him for some reason. As is the other prisoners that we arranged to stay in the prison. Their names are written in that folder, try not to lose them. I want you to find them… and of course, take out some of that unbridled fury you’re so well known for.” She smirked, “If all else fails, I want you to at least find the reason why my vision is blocked when it comes to the groups I’m sending you after. Though keep in mind that your primary targets are Dirk Strider and Savas.” The Executor nodded again, like this was no different than what he was planning on doing before.  
  
                “And lastly, we have a bit of a missing person.” The Executor raised an eyebrow, “Minatha.” He said dryly and the woman tapped her nails on the desk. “Exactly. She went missing after the prison fiasco… and with a particular guard I’ve had my eye on for some time now. She is the only one to remain alive out of that list… I want to hear her excuse before I take care of her myself.” He shifted a bit at the reference of the woman he had known for some time under the same employer. Their jobs were similar and often were the ‘lone wolf’ sort of professions. Though at times, everyone needed the proper back-up. And he had more often than not put his faith in her. Now it was time to make sure that faith would never be used against him and he nodded, “As you will, your honor.” She leaned back in her chair, lacing her fingers. “Also try to handle this as quietly as possible. Due to this mess I’m currently under fire from multiple directions. It’s important that the people trust me as I gain momentum toward our shared goal. Our lives will be returned to us…” The Executor shifted again, but this time in discomfort. The images that constantly flashed in his mind were getting worse… far worse. Whatever life that the woman in front of him preached about clearly wanted it to be returned just as much as they all did.  
  
                “I know your pain, Executor.” She still had her smile on her face, “Soon, you won’t have to deal with that anymore.” She beckoned him forward, like she had many times before. He came willingly and she stood to go around the desk. He took to one knee on the floor and stare at the black heels coming his direction. She lifted his chin to look up at her, his chiseled features made him almost look like a dark angel with his deep blue eyes and his long black hair pulled back away from his face.  
  
                Her fingers pressed into his temple, jaw and below his eye. There was a brief moment when he felt a surge of power that coursed through his veins before it went away. Images flickered in front of his gaze of him in black and blue armor, a proud warrior who hunted beasts and men alike under a unified banner. He was meant to serve her, just like all those of his kind. She let go and the images died and he sat back, legs shaking from the experience… but for now the flickers that haunted his waking moments were silenced. “Thank you.” He said softly, rising slowly to his feet.  
  
                She was significantly shorter than he was, but she looked as if she could easily bring him down to her size again if she wished it. “Not a problem… I reward those who do my will correctly, Executor.” She smiled at him again, “And remember that the faster you finish your assignment and destroy those who oppose me; the faster you won’t just be living this life… but the life that you were destined for. But the life that they stole from us all.”  
  
                He nodded and there was a soft clearing of a throat from the other side of the room. Opposite of where Durante was, sat a tall man with two different color eyes. The Executor almost snorted at the very evident scent of fear on him for breaking the moment between him and the congresswoman. “What is it, Phillip?” She sighed, turning to look at the young man who was also in black besides his yellow tie. “You have a meeting with the press in fifteen minutes.” He murmured and she nodded turning her head back to the hulk of a man in front of her, “Do you understand your mission perimeters, Executor Diego?”  There wasn’t a moment of pause before he stood straight again and tucked the folder into the inside of his jacket. “Perfectly.” She bowed her head to him just ever so slightly in dismissal.


	3. Stay

                _He was trapped in a situation that he never wanted to be in again. Dirk knew immediately when he woke up in a tight metal box that there was something horribly wrong. There was heat blooming underneath him; changing the color of the box from black to a glowing red and blue. He could feel the entire square prison rise in temperature to make him sweat and grow sick on his stomach. The heat continued to rise and the walls start to slowly move inward. “Oh no, Shit, Please stop-!” He yelled as he pushed against the scalding walls. Holes were slowly burning through them; the flames were so hot that they were burning his prison away and thus him inside it- though the crushing feeling continued. It continued to slowly shrink until he was pulled so tightly to himself he could feel his bones crack. Dirk kept beating against the walls even though his hands were burnt and blackened as was whatever else that had been touching the walls. His skin screamed in agony as it continued to rip apart and scorch. He could see the bones underneath the peeling back skin and his muscles become more apparent and charred. He had only begged for his life a few times in his life… and this was one of the; he couldn’t help it. Dirk had never before felt his own organs grow so hot they bubbled and split; unable to die, but so-able to be tortured by the flames of what he could only guess was hell itself._  
  
            _And then… he was dropped from the bottom of the cage. Suspended through ice cold water for him to float in space; giving him relief for the briefest of moments. That was until he looked down at the color of what remained of his skin. There wasn’t skin but bones… He was green and his bones were thin, almost like a skeleton yet he could still function. He looked above him and saw a reflection of himself on the opposite side of the surface of the water. Dirk could feel the water suffocating him as he stared upward at the image of Caliborn. His teeth were bared at him in anger and for a moment there was a glitch, where it was his reflection then it was the image of Caliborn again. It was like he was staring at a mirror, or a gateway of something he should know the name of but didn’t._  
  
_He felt something wrap around his throat and he immediately went to free it, looking at himself to see green slithering objects wrap around him. At first he thought it was seaweed, then noticed that they had heads… heads of snakes. Dirk’s eyes widened as he clutched at the one around his neck, as he looked up into the head of a giant snake. Both eyes were flickering over every ball of the game of billiards. He felt his body go limp staring into them and felt the reptilian tendrils tighten around his arms, legs and throat. “Stop-“ He gagged and his eyes widened more and more trying to seek oxygen when his lungs wouldn’t provide. Loud whispers of people he knew from his past in his ears made Dirk struggle, forcing him to shut his eyes against the great snake that he could feel the breath of. As its open maw letting out a horrible hiss; he felt one go around his mouth and took advantage, biting hard enough into it to taste blood in his mouth. It was copper and tasted too much like his own to determine the difference. The blond was dropped when it roared in pain and he fell down far below to a flat surface of blackness. He felt exposed here and he swallowed, eyes looking around him. The pain in his limps was gone now and so was the taste in his mouth. Dirk turned swiftly, still incredibly slow in this place. He’d been here before, he remembered it. In a dream… he’d definitely been in this inky blackness._  
  
_There was a woman standing there. A troll from the look of her giant ram-like horns and pale gray skin; it was much lighter than the trolls he had known in his time. He stepped toward her; curious to why he was seeing what he had assumed was the Haidmaid… He had never met her in person, only seen her from a distance as a servant of Lord English. Her green dress flowed in a breeze he didn’t feel. She was young here, with her hair cut short behind her head with two long flowing black strands down her front. Her eyes were covered in a green film and she was speaking though he couldn’t hear words. Dirk continued to step closer to her, seeing the makeup that had been so expertly put onto her face and how she had a frown that could stop anyone in their tracks. He didn’t speak as he stopped a few feet from the strange, slightly glowing troll ancestor. He had never been particularly close to any of the players who represented the Aries sign. He opened his mouth and just as he did, her head snapped to him. He froze, mouth hanging agape at her. Her eyes turned white and power radiated from her as she began to age in front of him into an old woman. Her hair turned black with red streaks throughout its many strands and the ram horns grew even larger as she shriveled with age. Dirk took a step back as she near snarled at him, before speaking in an accented voice he only heard inside his mind. “I am waiting, Dirk Strider.”_

xXx

                Dirk jerked awake with an intake of breath, eyes snapping open to the dark room around him. It was quiet and he could hear steady breathing beside him. Jake had joined him for the night after a soft conversation after their argument. They still slept on opposite sides of the bed and he’d never admit to anyone, not even himself, how much he wanted to reach over and sleep curled in Jake’s arms. And to add insult to injury, Jake stayed with his arms limp and directed toward Dirk as an open invitation the entire night until he had rolled to have a colder spot in the bed to rest on in his sleep. Dirk had barely fallen asleep with someone else in his bed but it wasn’t like he’d turn Jake away. There was a few moments that he relished the silence around him and the chill of the bed, liking it far more than what the dream had made him believe that he was suffering. He always turned the air conditioner on before bed and he had never regretted it; especially now. Dirk looked at Jake from where he was beside him and let out a slow breath. He blocked his only way toward the bathroom and closest.

                He ended up having to crawl southward to the end of the bed to get floor bound. Jake didn’t budge unlike usual; he must have truly been tired. Dirk spared him one last look before heading into the bathroom. Roxy had been sweet enough to pick up some hair gel for him on the way home from her shift at the hospital. He showered, slicking his hair back into place and looked at himself in the mirror. No one looked back at him this time. Not Caliborn. Not his older self. No ghostly image of his friends or Jenna Summers. Just him… 

                It was so easy to forget about the chaos outside and he had made a point of doing just that when he had finally got on medication again. He had tried so hard to convince himself that what he experienced had been all brought on by stress and lack of medicine. This was all because of what happened to him- which though he had slowly rationalized through a clear head that it hadn’t been completely his fault; he still blamed himself for what happened. He had tried to call Kar to talk to him once but it had ended badly with Kar shouting at him that he had just relapsed into the ‘self-loathing sack of shit he had been before’. Dirk didn’t really understand what he meant, but had hung up the line a few minutes after it had gone dead. Apparently he just didn’t know how to make anyone happy. He brushed his teeth as an afterthought and went to pick out clothing that he wouldn’t either cook alive or freeze to death in.

                Settling for an ensemble that would make Roxy cringe, he thought it was good enough to blend in. A light weight hoodie and his usual tank-top with black jeans and his orange sneakers were enough. A quick trip by the bed side table for his sunglasses and his phone; then a damn near thirty minute hunt for his long forgotten Rainbow Dash wallet took up the rest of his time. He hadn’t bothered to keep it near him since he never went anywhere that required anything inside the said piece of folded leather. Dirk stepped into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of orange juice while looking at the number printed with red writing on the fridge.  He still wasn’t sure what necessarily planned on doing, let alone saying, to the woman who clearly wanted a meeting with him. At first he wanted to tell her not so politely to shut the hell up and go away. Then a little voice in the back his head that sounded unmistakably like his own told him that he should at least hear her out… even if it was for the reasoning that he could prove she was crazy as hell later.

                He drew a slow breath before letting it out, shaking himself a little as he continued to sip at the orange juice in his hands. For a moment he looked at his bandaged and brutalized hands and went back into the bedroom to search for his much worn pair of gloves. It only took him a few minutes to find them at the bottom of the sock drawer and pull them slowly over the scarred skin. Dirk honestly tried not to look at his hands any more than he had to. It wasn’t that he regretted saving the inmate that he still didn’t know the name of, but the fact that he felt too much attachment to that soul. He had _heard_ that soul crying out for help, and that _scared_ him. He had seen what his Prince of Heart powers had done to people by ‘hearing’ and ‘feeling’ souls… they had left their scars on both him and those who had been on the opposite end of his wrath. Scars on his body were something he was used to at this point too. He had fought robots that were set to kill him for a daily workout. He had survived the Game. His fingers brushed the thin scar around his neck from when he had first died. God, had that been a feeling. It had worked out in the end, but it had left permanent reminder for him every time he looked in the mirror. Jake had his own scars, as did Jane and Roxy, but apparently they never had trouble adjusting to this new world like he had. Perhaps it was the isolation he had lived in, perhaps it was his own mental issues that had warped him into the being he was, or perhaps the Game had just dragged out his more inhuman side than the rest of them. None of the ideas he had thought of made him what to find out the answer.  
  
                He pulled the gloves on. The tendons of his hands were exposed, but the knuckles were reinforced to the point they were almost like punching someone with razor blades. The leather hadn’t been treated in a while he winced at the cracks that were forming in them and made a mental note to get leather cleaner. This time not annotating it for Roxy to get it either. It was high time he put a foot outside his front door. He stepped quickly back into the living room, then the kitchen where he snatched off the piece of paper from the fridge. He kept his head held high as he went toward the door, ignoring the growing feeling of turmoil in his chest. He wrenched the door open and went toward the staircase. The elevator was too close to a tight space, and after this recent dream he wanted to be out in the open more than ever now. The blond got to the door, opened it, and… froze in place.

                He looked at the stairs and realized he was hyper ventilating. Dirk swallowed, looking at the platform in front of him with wide eyes suddenly. He gripped the door’s bar with white knuckles and stared down at the steps with such a fear it felt almost as bad as looked Nathanial Morris dead in the eye with a bat in his hand.  
  
                And in under a second he was back inside the apartment’s main floor, back against the door and trying to calm his rapid breathing. “Oh god-.” He whispered hoarsely, sliding down to curl in on himself with his knees up to his chest. Though his nails were into his skin, he couldn’t stop himself from shaking. Tears were falling without his consent. What the hell was wrong with him? Something had to be wrong. Before he could at least go outside to the mailbox, and the sidewalk had been the hard part. Now it was the damn stairs? His fingers went into his hair and he yanked, “Come on- Jesus fucking Christ you wimp-!” He hissed at himself, “Get up and go!” Dirk tried to get up from the floor only to feel his legs still shaking too hard to support weight.  He had to go outside. He absolutely had to or… Dirk swallowed and put his head on his knees. “Fuck-…” He whispered to himself, feeling hopeless all of a sudden; just like he had in the prison so many months ago. What good was he to anyone if he couldn’t make even get his mail? And even then, it was getting worse. Now he couldn’t even make it out of the apartment let alone down the stairs. He wound tighter in on himself, trying to build the strength to try again.

xXx  
  
                Jake groaned a little as he woke up, eyes blurring in this lowlight. He didn’t know what had woken him. Feeling a little stiff from where he was pulling himself out of the ‘reaching’ position; the man had tried to open himself up in case Dirk had changed his mind about sleeping closer to him. Jake thought they had made progress with the conversation before, but Dirk’s walls had gone up yet again not long afterward. He pulled himself tighter and went underneath the covers to yawn a soft, “Morning.” He murmured it to the air, having thought he heard Dirk in the room with him. When he received no answer he slowly opened his eyes to see the place beside him was empty. He frowned, knowing he hadn’t felt the bed move and raised a little, the blankets falling off his torso. “Dirk?” Jake looked around the room, reaching over for his glasses to not find Dirk’s beside his. That was more than a little strange since he often rose before Dirk even considered it. His phone was gone too and Jake slipped his glasses on to walk into the living room in nothing but his boxers. He felt his stomach drop a half second later seeing the apartment nearly completely vacant. His eyes went wide and he called for his once lover again. After the third call and checking around to see if he was simply in the restroom or closest, he started to grow worried and shot a text at Roxy and Jane to see if they were awake.  
  
                Both were at work, and they checked their doors to see if they were opened. They had set up an alarm system soon after Dirk had returned and it simply told them when their doors were opened and took a picture of who opened it. Honestly, they were survivors of a near post-apocalyptic Game filled with giant monsters. If they couldn’t defend themselves from a simple burglar they were clearly slacking substantially; so pictures of who broke their perimeter of privacy outside of their group would have huge issues to deal with regardless. Jake waited anxiously for their text back and felt his eyeballs nearly bug out when after checking his, realized that Dirk either had to be in this apartment or… Immediately his mind went to the worst of it.  
  
                What if Dirk had gotten up for his morning dose of orange juice and gotten a rag of chemicals to the face? What if someone had broken in and had been watching him and that was the presence he had felt in the room when he had woken? What if whatever had woken him up had been Dirk being dragged mercilessly out the door? The hair on the back of his neck rose and he immediately went into action.  
  
                Jake started to look for his spare gun- one of many- he kept in Dirk’s apartment. The kitchen was closest and thus he drew the already loaded pistol from a secret drawer underneath the hand towels. He checked the apartment again before going out into the hallway in a damn near panic. He stopped short after leaving the doorway, staring at the exit door. Originally he had wanted to check for drag marks to the lift, and certainly didn’t think he would see Dirk sitting in almost the fetal position at the fire exit. He stopped short, breath coming out in a gush of relief. Dirk looked up at him, tears were down his cheeks and his lips were redder than his actual skin. There was a mix of emotion on his face and it settled on fear, which immediately made Jake’s heart strings pull. Why did he always have to look at him with such fear? For a moment he wanted to yell at him for that, bristling at the thought of what Dirk probably had wanted to do. He hadn’t left a note, hadn’t woken him… what if Dirk had gotten hurt? Or god only knew what else? But the utterly defeated look on his face mixed with fright at the sight of him was enough to pause Jake’s irritation. “ _He was trying to do it himself… like he does everything else.”_  
  
                Jake put the gun on the floor after clicking the safety on, trying to approach him almost like a wild animal. Dirk looked up at him, ready for him to- at least he assumed- start yelling. The taller came over and sat barely an inch beside him, back to the door. “You tried to go outside?” He asked him softly and Dirk frowned, red lips were bruised from apparently him biting them. Jake raked his eyes over him for a moment and waited for him to reply. Dirk took a few moments to nod. “It’s okay.” He said a moment later and the roles were reversed, Dirk was suddenly yelling. “No, it’s not!” The sheer anger in his voice echoed down the hallway and Jake’s eyebrows shot up. “It’s not okay I can’t walk down stairs or go outside or think straight or go get my own fucking hair gel or the way you people look at me anymore!” He screamed standing and looking at the door and breathing hard from his yelling. “It’s not okay!” Jake stayed where he was, letting Dirk pull at his hair and get the anger out of his system.

                He knew Dirk enough to know how the man kept things so bottled up that when things exploded, people tended to get hurt. Jake wasn’t afraid of him, no, but knew better to stop him. Dirk needed a way to vent, and if that was losing himself for a moment to calm down, he would gladly let him have all the moments in the world. Dirk kicked the door they were leaning against a moment before and nearly broke it off of the hinges much to his surprise. “Fuck-“ Dirk whispered pulling at his hair and Jake frowned for a moment, slowly sliding up the wall and looking at the blond who looked unbelievably lost now that the initial anger was gone. “Wait here.” Jake told him, picking up the gun and going into his apartment before a few moments. It didn’t take long for him to come out in a hoodie and a pair of shorts. Not to mention shoes. Not even bothering to comb his hair, the other went toward the door and looked at Dirk behind him. His hand was on the exit door’s bar and he the other outstretched back toward the blond. “Come on. We’re getting you down those stairs.”

                Dirk physically tensed, suddenly new anger at Jake. “ _How dare he try to help me?”_ Was his first thought, immediately followed by another, _“Because he can see how desperate you are…”_ Dirk looked at the hand offered to him and swallowed looking up at Jake who acted as if he could see right through him. “Dirk…” His voice was entirely too soft. It almost hurt his soul to hear how carefully he said his name. “Stop trying to fix everything but you… It’s okay in a world when you try to save everyone, that that person is you.” He whispered to him again, and after a moment spoke the words he knew Dirk would remember immediately. “I’m not leaving you behind.” It was the same words Jake had said to him when the Game had ended. They were in a position similar to this and Jake had reached back for him, telling him the exact same thing. It had probably led to them getting back together in this newly created world. The simple promise that he wasn’t leaving him behind.... Dirk had nearly cried then, just as he did now. He swallowed hard looking at him and didn’t know exactly to say for a moment. Jake didn’t drop his hand and for the longest moment, Dirk wondered where they had all went wrong.  
  
                Jake and he were in such deep love that even Roxy and Jane had once envied what they had. They went from having sex and kissing every day almost to not even speaking at all. It was obvious that it wasn’t Jake who had really changed. Nor had Dirk been willing to talk about anything with him besides what he said to the girls at the same time. And often he said the same things even when Jake tried to ask about them later. Maybe it was time to try to let someone in… His fingers finally rose and Jake met his halfway. Jake pulled him very gently toward him before pressing the bar to open the door wider. Dirk froze into place and Jake tightened his grip on his hand, taking not just his fingers but his palm into his hand. “It’s okay. I’m right here. It’s okay if you don’t make it all the way down, we’ll go a little farther each time until you can get out there all the way.” He promised softly and offered him a smile, Dirk shut his eyes against the sunlight streaming in and continued to let Jake pull him through. It took almost fifteen minutes to just get him through the door and onto the platform outside. Jake whispered all sorts of encouragements to him when he walked, each step seemingly taking the utmost strength from him. It wasn’t the first step that was hardest but the next one, and the immediate one after that. Though he grew more certain with every step he took and the tightening death-grip on Jake’s hand; he was going to try. And that was all anyone cared about.

 xXx

                “You did it!” Roxy screeched as soon as she saw Dirk when she got home later that evening. She came running through the open door of Dirk’s apartments to take a flying leap at him to hug him. He was quick enough to catch her, though it put them both on the couch where he was just getting up from. She hugged him, rolling around like she hadn’t seen him in months. “I made it to the fifth step, Roxy.” He sighed but hugged her all the same. Jake was in the kitchen cooking something for them all.

                Jane was taking up the dining room table with her fifth grader’s paperwork and was about to rip her own hair out. She held up a pen as he said the words, “No no! Don’t down play the small things, Dirk! It’s a great accomplishment!” Dirk rolled his eyes as Roxy settled on top of him happily and tapped her nails on his chest. They were surprisingly void of nail polish and he remembered that one of her patients were allergic to a chemical in what she wore. He frowned, knowing she must care a lot about the people she took care of to trade her favorite nail décor for someone. He supposed if he were in her position he would as well.  Jake leaned out of the kitchen again; long spoon in his hand, “Exactly. It was five steps more than ever before. And even you don’t go another five steps for a while; it’ll still be five more steps.” He smiled at Dirk who looked back him with raised eyebrows. Roxy sat her chin on his chest and he turned his head a little to look at her curiously. Her voice lowered as Jane went to help Jake save the garlic bread.  
                 
                “I’m really proud of you.” She whispered to him and Dirk sighed through his nose, turning his head a bit to not look her in the eye. “I don’t know why. You all should be disgusted that I can’t even make it down the steps by myself.” Roxy frowned at him and straightened up a little, careful not to knee him in a bad area. “Put it this way.” She murmured, “If I hadn’t had help, then I probably wouldn’t be able to get up or down the stairs either.” Roxy’s eyes searched Dirk’s a bit sadly, “Do you remember the last time we were like this?” She asked and Dirk frowned, trying to think of it. The information didn’t come to his mind and she smiled slightly, “I’m surprised I even remember it… but I was so stupidly drunk I couldn’t even see straight the night before. And ended up laying on you like this with a huge hangover; I probably haven’t thrown up that much in my life. You held me the entire night and Jake and Jane took care of the cleaning and the medicine.”  
  
                “I _needed_ help, Dirk. I probably would have drown in my own vomit or something even grosser than that.” She laughed but it wasn’t really funny. Dirk didn’t look away from her as she pecked him on the forehead. “It’s okay to need help. I’m not disgusted with you. Neither Jake or Janey. Promise.” She poked him in the sides, making him jump underneath her and smile swatting her hands away. “We’ll get you enjoying music stores and back to watching way too much ‘My Little Pony’ in no time.” Roxy hopped off of him and sauntered toward Jane, putting her head on her shoulder to look over at whatever mess that was horrifying the other woman in Jake’s cooking pot.

                He leaned his head back a bit, letting out a slow breath from his nose. He must have really forgotten what it was like to be loved unconditionally. As he looked at friends in front of him he felt a lump form in his throat, and a tightness in his chest. Jake was wincing at Jane’s spoon that was being waved at him for the nearly deadly concoction that he had made, and Roxy was mimicking her behind her with a spoon of her own but in a much more comedic way that wasn’t helping the near laughing Jake’s case. Dirk corrected himself after a moment of thought about the people in front of him. They weren’t his friends, they were his family.

xXx

                She held her sketch book tight to her chest as she stared out the window of the hospital. Clouds were rolling across the moon as she frowned. The heart monitors were the only sound along with the tapping of nurse’s shoes as they did their rounds. Her head cocked to the side slowly as she opened the window and let the breeze into the room. Her weak arms couldn’t get it all the way open, but she had enough to have a breeze come in to ruffle what little blond hair she had left. The sketch pad was set down in front of her with a pen on top of it. The IV line and bag was her only support as she pulled her roller chair over to the window ledge. The moonlight offered plenty of light in her darkened room. A brief smile crossed her face as she opened it and she flipped through it slowly. It seemed strange how many new drawings she obtained here. The city was absolutely gorgeous lit up at this time of night. The girl started to hum a soft tone she had sung in her youth.  Her pen clicked and she started to sketch something she saw from her perch. Her pen stroke stopped mid-way through the drawing, looking out across the city at an apartment building with her voice quieting immediately. Her breath caught as she felt the air around her change...  
_“Oh no…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! 
> 
> Thank you for the comments, they truly are my inspiration to keep going with this series and so many others. <3  
> I wanted to briefly explain the lack of... well, plot, in this chapter.
> 
> This chapter wasn't really as much of a filler as I wanted to cover a subject that is really skimmed over a lot of times in writing these days. Dirk has gone through a lot of shit lately, and I do mean a /lot of shit/. It makes perfect sense that the man has forms of anxiety and PTSD from it. Also the fact that he would need a lot of help getting over it as well.
> 
> I didn't want to brush over those facts in the slightest.  
> His anxiety is basically coming out as a form of agoraphobia. You may know this from the movie Ocean's Twelve (awesome movie), with a man who was afraid to come out of his own home. In actuality, it can be any situation where the sufferer perceives the environment to be dangerous, uncomfortable or something else along those lines. Those who have severe forms of agoraphobia, like Dirk, basically close themselves off from people along with their 'circles of comfort'. Which in the story's case, is the shared apartment floor, though primarily Dirk's apartment. That's why he has such trouble near the end of this chapter is because he went from a wide circle at the start of his stay to tightening his circle over the course of the last six months. 
> 
> I was also at a very hard point of this story. I could have progressed the story more by having Dirk get over this by himself quickly, or not progressing as much by having Jake help him. I felt like this subject was far too important to sacrifice for the progression of the story. Like Roxy said in reference to her alcoholism, sometimes you just need help. Dirk has been through alot, and even if he wasn't, there was still that need for him to have that support system.
> 
> So basically what this boils down to is me saying that it's okay to seek help. It's okay to take a while to get over something and not be able to do it at first. Dirk Strider made it five steps. You're allowed to make five steps too. Or even one.  
> You still made it a step. And it's a step in the right direction.
> 
> Thanks for reading,  
> -Cass <3


	4. Shipwreck

                Three weeks and his feet were firmly planted on the ground outside of the apartment building. His recovery rate had absolutely astounded his three friends, though they did have a single complaint. He stood there watching cars roll by with a bit labored breath. It was still tough to get past the lines his mind had created, but he was able to do it. Unlike last time he had left a note that he was going to try to make it to the CD store and back. If Jake woke to find him gone, it would hopefully not cause him to go into a panic like he nearly did before. Dirk waited for the light across the straight to flash white to let him know it was alright to walk and quickly put one foot in front of him. It was cool for this early in the morning, at least by Texas standards, and he had worn the lightest jacket that he owned. Sleeves rolled to his elbows and tattoos were in full view of the other people who walked past him. At first he was worried he might have some sort of reaction from other people. It wasn’t that he honestly cared about what others thought of him, but what his friends had to experience because of him. If people shunned him, then the rest of the group would be shunned as well. Though thanks to his recent discovery of his unwillingness to go outside, he hadn’t exactly had a chance to have anyone do that to him; even then, there wasn’t a group surrounding him to suffer the ill effects of being near him. And thankfully, it seemed that people were so preoccupied with their own lives that they didn’t notice nor recognize the tattooed and pierced blonde heading toward the Metrorail.

                It took a little more than he thought to figure how to work the passes again. Ironic, he figured, since that he could build computers from scratch and could create a working artificial intelligence of his own mind but working a tram pass was beyond him for a few moments until he learned how to do it properly. There were plenty of grumpy people behind him because of it but he put them out of his mind. He stepped down the long tunnels into an open area where he could board the Metro without a problem. The sound of the train pushing down the railing hurt his ears and he winced, waiting for the doors to open to let out a group of people before he joined another rush going inside.   
  
                He took the nearest seat he could up against a seat that was facing backwards now he only had to deal with another leg touching him on one side instead of both. It wasn’t the first time he had rose the metro, so this claustrophobic cesspool was definitely something he was used to at this point. A girl smiled at him from across the aisle from where he sat, and he returned it calmly. She was Asian from her features, having her rather long dark black hair spill out from behind and down her chest. Dirk cocked his head to the side a little in curiosity. It was odd to see a girl, who was about his age, alone on a tram. Sure, some did it out of necessity, but many of them kept their heads down to avoid any trouble that often came to young women on the trams. Jake and he had both- including Roxy- broken a few wandering hands that had gone toward women who rode with or nearby them on the tram. He eventually looked away as his phone buzzed in his pocket. A double tap on his screen revealed a text from Jake.  
  
_GolgothasTerror: So proud of you for taking the initiative! Call me if you need anything, Love. I’ll be here when you come home.  
  
_                 He frowned at it and didn’t reply. Dirk knew he was still technically lying to him but didn’t exactly know how to explain that he was going to check out a lead from his prison friend and ex-lover about the possible end of the world. They hadn’t even had that conversation yet about Kar being anything more than a friend who got him through a rough time. Jake seemed to have something to say about his own experience with Dirk being gone, but they both shut down before there was anything said. Hell, he wasn’t even sure which stop to even get off at to go to this place. He took out the address for a moment, then put it back into his pocket. Dirk sighed, leaning his head back and bounced his knee. There was plenty to listen to here at least. Noises of the tram wheels clanking against the track, chatter from groups of men and women, sounds of people’s music who didn’t clearly own a pair of earphones. It was crowded and he supposed it should have made him nervous. But at this point, he felt completely normal. As if he was simply a fish that had gotten on a flow pattern in the water headed toward-  
  
                _His eyes snapped open as he felt heat. He turned his head toward the beginning of the tram and saw flames burst in through the windows. People were screaming and he through his hands in front of his face being blasted back into his seat when he tried to get up. The people in front were getting incinerated as he watched in horror from his position near the midway point of the train. The fire moved toward him, people melting around him like wax and the tram flew off the rail. It all went black as he was launched from his chair into the back of the tram and the flames ripped through him. “This is your future.” He heard a voice whisper inside his head just as the final color faded completely._  
  
                He jerked awake in his chair as they pulled to a stop. The girl in front of him stood and brushed her fingers of his hand with her own. His hand was clutching his jean material on his knee but felt like the place she touched become cool as water. “Time to get off, Mr. Strider.” She spoke softly to him and his eyes widened. She got off the tram and was lost in the crowd. Dirk tried to follow but just as her image disappeared he stopped, standing on a platform that he didn’t recognize. He frowned looking at the location on a map not too far away from the exit to let stairs spiral down toward the city below. “Christ, I’m halfway across the city.” He mumbled. He had clearly fallen asleep- that had started the dream. But how did she…? Was that the Handmaid? She didn’t look like her and there was something about her that was off-putting. Another troll perhaps? That made more logic in his mind and he started to flicker through the trolls that he knew. It didn’t take long for the image of Aradia to appear in his mind. Dirk looked around for what he assumed to be Aradia now, knowing it certainly wasn’t Vriska or Kanaya. There was a twist of the end of a dress and he looked through the crowd of people to see her looking back at him before leading him to the end of the stairs to the city. Dirk followed, feeling something drawing him to her like a magnet.

                Each time he would make it a hundred or so feet, he would see her disappear behind something or around a corner to pick up her trail again. Dirk didn’t know really what made him do it. He could have been entirely wrong and he was chasing the girl through the city streets to be ambushed by a bunch of gun wielding thugs, and god only knew he had been ambushed enough in his life. The blond finally saw her disappear across the street into a Japanese restaurant and stopped short. He pulled the address out of his pocket and saw that it matched up to the street and number that he was staring at. Dirk returned the paper into his pocket and took a deep breath, looking up at the Japanese markings on the sign. He knew what they said of course.   
  
                When you found yourself in a watery wasteland with nothing but yourself and the seagulls, you go through English literature like it’s nothing. Thus it required you to learn other languages to expand your knowledge and content. He knew about nine languages and was still trying to wrap his mind around Russian. Japanese and Chinese were strangely easy to him, but Russian and German had really given him trouble. They were such harsh tongues that he didn’t quite understand the difference of some nouns and verbs. The one at hand clearly stated it was a restaurant and he watched people come and go out of the shop for a while. He wasn’t sure what was making him pause before going across the street, but it didn’t last long.

                Dirk looked both ways before heading toward the front entrance. The doors were ornamented with beautiful artwork in red and black, golds and greens. It was mostly fanfare, but he didn’t mind the feel of the door handle’s dragon scales that pressed into his fingers. He walked inside to see the inside was just as decorated as the inside, letting his orange eyes roam around for a while. With no one behind or ahead of him, he wasn’t in such a push to get up to the lady who sat tapping her long red fingernails on her podium for him to come closer at a faster pace. Gold dragons held up pillars inside the little restaurant and the waiting area seats were high quality leather. He almost laughed at himself, wondering how strange he must look here. “This place is not for tourist.” The woman’s voice rang out in heavily accented English, but perfectly articulated with the pitch of her voice. Dirk’s eyes found her own and for a moment he wondered why she seemed taken aback for a moment. He spoke calmly in fluent Japanese, voice soft considering the open space around them. “I’m not a tourist.”

                She swallowed and shifted a little bit under his gaze, even though it was hidden by dark sunglasses. He seemed to burn a hole through her for a moment before going to look around at the buffet that sat steaming. The place was strangely empty for such a gorgeous restaurant. “Slow day?” He commented dryly, switching back to English just as easily as he had switched from it originally. “Yes, very slow.” She replied and took up a menu, “Seat or booth?” The three words were tossed over her shoulder as she started to lead him back into the seating area. “Neither. I’m looking for someone.” The woman froze and turned her head to look back at him. “I’m certain she’s expecting me too, at this point.” He added when the woman pursed her lips. There was a short nod and she put her menu down before making a ‘come’ gesture with her hand. He didn’t say a word as he went through a door off to the side of the buffet. He pulled aside the beads before he stepped after her. They hung like heavy curtains, blocking the view and almost nearly the entire sound of the room beyond. Smoke hung heavy in the air and there were workers preparing food that seemed to freeze at the sight of them. The woman demanded them to continue and they did so, not risking another glance upward toward the blond newcomer. Dirk frowned at them, but followed the woman who was near half his size. Another two rooms that were similar to this one before there was an office sitting area. A desk was at one end with two doors behind it. The woman stood off to the side and bowed, letting him pass with her lips still pursed. Dirk lowered his head slightly to her in return and stepped toward the secretary who was none other than Aradia. Her smile was sublime and sweet, unfitting for a dark place like this in his opinion. The lights were low and the blood red walls made him… uneasy. The restaurant may have looked the same, but the office lacked the luster of food he imagined.

                “You’re here for your appointment with the Handmaid?” She asked, still smiling.   
  
                Dirk cleared his throat, “I didn’t have an appointment… But I’m here to see her, yes.”   
  
                Aradia gave him a sympathetic look, “You don’t have to make the appointment to have one. Go on through the right door.” She gestured to it with her head. He opened his mouth to ask her the questions on his mind but she spoke over him, “Don’t worry, all of your questions will be answered inside.” There was a brief nod and he frowned at her, wondering how the girl seemed to know his thoughts before speaking them.   
  
                “Alright…” He murmured and headed toward the right door, the other was pure white and this one was black with a strangely red door knob. For some reason it reminded him of the Alpha and Beta version of the Game, not to mention the Ying and Yang theme that seemed to run through the rooms stretching from ceilings to floors. The door shut behind him and he was a little astounded by the room he had entered. This entire place seemed entirely too lavish for what he remembered of the Handmaid. He didn’t call out for her, just took a moment to take in the room he was standing in with unbridled curiosity. Silks hung down from the ceiling from the light in the center of the room. The room itself almost looked circular with pillows completely surrounding the center. The center of the room branched out into several other circles. Like almost a flower that was fully bloomed at this point. It had a kitchen in one, a bedroom set in one, then a small Japanese eating area. From his angel that was all he could see, though there were others on both sides of him.

                Dirk stepped out into the room, noting that the floor stepped downward, as if leading him into a pool of red pillows. Some part of him told him that would be absolutely amazing to lay in while another told him he needed to pay attention. The blond was at the edge of the pool when he looked to his left, hearing running water. Behind see-through curtains there was a woman wrapped in a green bathrobe. Soon as it dropped she turned her head slightly to look at him out of the corner of her eye. He visibly swallowed more out of nervousness than anything else. The woman had her hair wrapped in a bun above her head with long strands hanging down in front of her face and long knitting needles holding it all up. Or perhaps they were chopsticks, as he realized from where he was. He made his eyes lock on her exposed eye instead of her pale slender form. He had seen a naked female before, that wasn’t his issue. He didn’t desire to eye-grope someone who went head to head against the Empress and only lost because it was planned. Even then, he didn’t have any interest in what he would see if he did look. Roxy had a way of putting it as: “He could appreciate the menu but didn’t like the taste of the food.”  
  
                She stepped away from him into a steaming pool of water, gesturing for him to wait. He let out a breath as she sunk out of view, whether to go beneath the water or just simply out of sight he didn’t know. He looked away and heard the door close behind him and Aradia came in, going to the small kitchenette that sat in one of the ‘flower pedal’ rooms that connected to the one he was still in. She began to make tea and he felt as if time slowed in this place. It had a sweet smell, one of smoke and… he couldn’t place the second scent. That was the source of the sweetness whatever it was. Off in the distance he could hear a very soft trickle of music, a slow thumping that could be drums and then a high pitched noise of something akin to a violin. Dirk let out a slow breath to calm himself, hearing the curtain open behind him and he turned his head to see the woman from before step out, having a silk kimono wrapped around her so haphazardly that it could fall off her at any moment. The rest of her was bare, showing all of her leg, feet, and shoulders. “You’re late.” She told him softly. Now he could see the lines to her face and her hair had multiple streaks of white in it. She wasn’t old, no, but aged was a word she knew well.   
  
                “I was busy.” He had a long pause before replying. Her voice had a bit of a husky thickness to it, similar to his own that came from smoking too much. The Handmaid cast him a look that clearly said that she wasn’t in the mood for his excuses. She led them to the sitting area and took up one side of the table, the other was presented to Dirk to sit on. Aradia brought over tea and set it up for them before leaving. Dirk glanced at her before focusing his gaze on the Handmaid in front of him. The entire experience thus far had been disconcerting, and he wasn’t prepared for what she asked him next.

                “Do you realize that you may have come too late?” She asked softly.  
                  
                 Dirk frowned, “I hadn’t really considered that I was on a time limit.”  
                  
                 Her laugh was almost a soft bell that echoed around the room, “Of course not, that is why I had to push you to come here. I had to send my assistant far beyond my reach to come claim you before you strayed just as far.”   
  
                Dirk narrowed his eyes, “You’re responsible for the dreams too, aren’t you?”   
  
                The woman snorted, “You over state my power in this reality. But you seem to do that with almost all our companions.”

                 “What do you mean?” He muttered and then shook his head, “Look, I’m here for answers and nothing more. I’m tired of being plagued with nightmares and visions of the world ending. I’ve made my choice.”   
                  
                 Her expression darkened, “Ah yes, the coward’s choice. I remember that decision very clearly. What happened to the man who led the prisoners toward their freedom, who held the banner over a thousand of Derse soldiers, the one who killed one of the henchmen and imprisoned the other… the one who willingly rose above the others and sacrificed himself over the course of a hundred different lives that the Game inspired?” Her voice grew louder, “What happened to the Hero?” She spoke softly now and he recoiled from her words, like they were knives hitting his skin, “You are the Prince of Heart, and yet you sit here in front of me flinching at every syllable. You are lucky that I decided to speak with you and not let this reality rot.”  
  
                Dirk swallowed, looking at her with pain in the back of his head, “Those situations were entirely different. I was young, _stupid_ to think I could fight like my brother. I was off my medication in the prison and fucking out of my god damn mind!” He shook his head, standing, “I don’t know what you’re talking about the henchmen. I haven’t seen any crazy fuckers wearing clown masks unless you count Gamzee.”

                She laughed again and he stilled, “You had no idea who you were fighting?” She spoke softly and he looked down at her with a confused expression, knowing she wasn’t just trying to bait him. “Nathanial Morris.” Her soft accent spoke the words and he didn’t flinch, only sat back down heavily. He took a deep breath, setting one elbow on the table and the other on his leg to support him.  
  
                “You’re telling me that… Nathanial Morris was one of the henchmen…” He felt his entire chest tighten and he felt a mix of emotions. One was a great terrifying roar from inside his mind; one of anger and the other of triumph. He had _killed_ the same person his brother had _killed,_ his own personal torturer, and one of the Grand Highblood’s prized henchmen along with the Empress’s royal lackeys. His teeth were barred and the woman across from him smiled slowly and he spoke again, “Was his brother the other part of the duo?”   
  
                She shook her head, “No. The other still runs free. They were a duo only in the other reality, but in this one, they are separate beings… and twice as dangerous.” Dirk’s fingernails bit into his leg and his lips formed a thin line.

                “Tell me.” Her eyebrows rose in question and he elaborated. “Tell me _everything._ I want to know how this happened… and what I can do to stop it.” He focused his gaze on her and she pulled out a packet of cigarettes and drew out one with her lips before lighting it with a candle flame that sat on the table. She spoke in sharp Japanese to Aradia for her to get the tea poured and Aradia immediately obeyed.

                He thanked her off to the side, not having his eyes leaving the older woman in front of him that drunk in the smoke more than she did the tea. “I will start at the beginning then.” She let out a slow breath, sending smoke into the air like a great dragon. He stayed silent and didn’t even bother with the tea at first.   
  
                “Almost four years ago, you and your three friends won the Game. The Game was a decoy for another species entirely, those who have not been discovered yet. The Game has taken many names, many forms over the years. It was originally sent to gather resources for whoever created it; like locus, that would go after one planet after another. It just happened to attack both the world Alterna and Earth in the form of a Game. Why they needed to gather so many resources, I have no idea. It is only stipulation that the reason we were able to fight against it is because it took to form of the Game itself. Or else we would have been at the whim of gods that we have not yet known.” She sighed, “Of course, it’s origin is simply… guess work. With its current form, we were able to fight against it, and win, and thus create the perfect world.”   
  
                Dirk scoffed, “And that really worked out for us didn’t it.”   
  
                The woman looked over him with a knowing expression. “You have already thought of this, no?” He nodded and she continued, “The Game was won, yes. But the hard reset is what caused us this…” She gestured around herself, “Chaos.”

                “The hard reset that my brother and his friends did?”   
  
                The Handmaid nodded, “Yes, and your ancestor- now previous self that raised the younger version of your brother.”   
  
                Dirk frowned, though understood what that meant. “The hard reset caused them to bleed into our reality, then that reality to bleed into this one.” He said softly and the woman drank a bit of her tea.  
  
                 “Yes. That is the result. The Game was won, causing it to recreate a reality. It granted your wishes and the troll-kind as well. The only issue is that the Game continued to exist afterward. It could not be reset and be able to be won at the same time mid-way through the session. It… contradicts itself.” She waved her hand a little before taking a drag of her cigarette. “So… when you won your session, it backfired. Thus you were landed in a world that was mirrored with another. They were on different plains of existence… until now.” She sighed, “The world of Alternia was reformed inside Earth, as Earth was reformed inside Alternia. They share the same space. The same amount of trolls and humans, same violent tendencies, same issues… just sharing a space we were never supposed to have. Which in a way, one could theorize that this was always going to happen… because the simple existence of Faygo, Troll Will Smith, the chatline connecting both the trolls and the humans in the first place. It shows that the reality blending before it even happened. But among all that we know, the truth of that lies with the answers we are yet to know.”  
  
                He had always wondered why but never commented on it, “So you’re saying that this was supposed to happen and the world was supposed to split in half basically?”   
  
                She shook her head, “No, no, it was a guess that the Game had caused this to happen before, but because it recognized this as a possible future it tried to prepare us for the eventually. Skia was on… ‘our’ side.” The Handmaid smiled at that a little and continued, “The worlds will be stuck this way until something happens to either rip them apart or to stabilize them. As of this moment, more of the Game that you and the other humans and trolls played is bleeding into this reality. It will bring everything you faced with it… and everything you did not.”   
  
                Dirk swallowed, “Like the Henchmen.”   
  
                She nodded, “Yes, like them. That brings us to your visions.” He glared and her eyebrows rose at him, “No, I am not the cause of them all. Only the ones to… urge you to come here faster. We are on a time limit, Strider.” He snorted at her remark, but remained silent. “You have shown incredible strength lately, no?” He shrugged, not seeing what that had to do with anything. “Your previous self is you, in this reality. All of our ancestors… as I am considered as one, are alive in this reality instead of simply past relics. The man you saved in the prison… I believe he goes by Savas now.” She didn’t smile now, “He was and still is The Signless. Moving on though, I have no seen any evidence of Beforus yet. I will keep an eye out for signs of this.”

                Dirk finally took a drink, knowing that would just be a hell of a lot of fun if all of a sudden he had Kankri bitching in his ear. He made a face at the tea and politely put it back on the table, though he managed to swallow it not to be rude. At least it wasn’t the first bitter than he had ever had to swallow.

                “The reason you can see visions of this grand occurrence is because of your class and what position you were removed from the Game.”

                He shook his head, “What do you mean ‘position’?”

                The Handmaid thought for a moment. “The portal that opened to allow you to leave the Game…. You entered last, did you not?” He blinked, remembering the last few minutes of the Game. The trolls had their own portal on the platform. They had said their goodbyes and their kisses. Those who had troll relationships were beyond upset, but knew this was for the better. Dirk had nearly stayed behind because of all of his issues; then Jake had turned to him, reaching his hand out to him in such a manner that had almost made his heart stop. _“I’m not leaving you behind.”_

Dirk drew a slow breath at that memory and the Handmaid watched him calmly, “You were the last to leave… similar to how Gamzee was the last of the trolls to leave. That, combined with how powerful your classes were, allows you to have these visions… You had the last connection to the Game and thus as it grows stronger you are more aware of its presence. Of course, this is not always the case with some classes and it will go to the lower classes eventually… but for now, your strength and you power is your weapon.” She sent out a puff of smoke into the air. “The Empress remembers you because of how powerful she was in a past life… Similar to how you are now. Even Gamzee did not have a clear picture.”

                “Everyone that had a place in the Game will have a rank and aspect. You are the Prince of Heart, the most powerful class… though some already have their powers; but we will get to that part of this conversation.” The Handmaid smiled and looked over him, “How does it feel… to have so much power in your veins?”   
  
                He looked up at her, “That this is all going to be just as bad as my past…” He swallowed, “Now I know… My visions were just the absence of medication. It explains why I’ve been seeing hallucinations of people I know too. I’m seeing brain ghosts I’ve been creating inside my head.” The Handmaid nodded slowly and licked her lips, lighting another cigarette.

                “What did you mean by the other’s powers are becoming apparent?” Dirk added suddenly, “I get it, the realities are blending… but what’s going to happen to the others? How can we stop it? _Can_ we stop it?”   
  
                She took a deep breath and replied, “There is a way.”  
  
                “Tell me.” He said again and she smiled at him, almost a little too happily.   
  
                “First your questions, Strider.” She tapped her new cigarette into the ashtray. “Your biological sister… she is a player of the void, no?” He nodded, “Why do you think that you simply haven’t been smothered in your sleep by the agents of the Empress?”   
  
                He frowned, “Her void player aspect is hiding us from enemies?” She nodded and he put his hand over his chin, thinking aloud, “I suspect that’s why the Empress couldn’t kill Karkat or his friends either. Evert is a void player if I remember correctly. They were always hidden away from magic cue balls and all that crap…” It suddenly dawned on him why they had never been found out before. “It only worked when Roxy was sober… so is that why the Empress sent out agents? The henchmen to try to find us? I suppose the reason why she sent crazy bastards after us is who would think Morris was tied to someone in office like this…”

                The Handmaid nodded, “Yes, that is exactly what she did. She has hundreds of agents across the city looking for you and your friends. Along with herself in different forms, of course, but she doesn’t not devote that much time to it. She knows where your friend, Jake, is.” She spoke calmly, “But loses sight of him similar to how I lose sight of you in the dwelling you keep. You staying hidden for so long has been a… blessing to our cause.”   
   
                He frowned, “Meaning that now that I’m out we’re going to start having issues.” She nodded and he sighed, “Damn… I won’t put my friends into danger. I’ve put them through too much already. Far too much.” Dirk looked up at her and the Handmaid put the cigarette out completely to his surprise.

                “That is why you are here.” She said dryly, “Though I could tell you that they are already involved, I know you will simply not listen. Their powers are not nearly as advanced yet to fight anyone… but you… you have already waged war and held the banner above the resistance.”

                He frowned, “I don’t want to be the leader of anything. If you want a leader of a resistance you need to find Say-fish or whatever his name is.” He ran a hand through his blond hair.

                The Handmaid shook her head, “No… I know you want to keep it to yourself. But each day the Empress grows stronger. She is waiting for something… someone.”

                Dirk’s eyes snapped open as he felt a cold chill settle over him like a blanket, “Lord English.”

                “Yes, he is coming into this reality. But she needs something to bring her master back first. A copy of the Game.”   
  
                Dirk’s mouth dropped, “The Game is here?!”   
  
                The Handmaid nodded, “Yes.” She gestured around, “But I cannot locate it, and neither can the Empress. While she searches for the copy, she gains in strength.” She sighed, “If she fails, she will still destroy this world and create her own utopia off of the backs of what remains… If she finds it, she will activate the Game and enter it on her own with all her abilities. She will set things back to the way things were, without any sort of situation to warrant a resistance to stop her.” Dirk swallowed, “So what do you recommend since you clearly think I can somehow stop her.”  The Handmaid stood and paced around the room. “I propose a…. job offer.”  
  
                He frowned, not understanding what she was wanting now. “What?”

                She turned to him, walking around the pillows. “I want you to hunt down those who consort with the Empress. Weaken her defenses while I search for the Game. When the time comes, we will steal it, and destroy the copy… The copy is what is causing this distortion. When it is destroyed, the realities will safely separate and will no longer threaten to collapse each other. Thus removing the Empress from our realm and perhaps even destroy her in the process if she resists- freeing both our realms from her reign.”   
  
                Dirk frowned, “How do you know all of this? You were once on Lord English’s side-!” He had to duck a very large chamber pot.   
  
                “I am not anyone’s side!” She screeched and he backed down immediately, “I was his slave and I will never be his slave again!”   
  
                Dirk nodded, holding up his hands, “Alright, alright, I’m sorry! That doesn’t give me a straight answer though and how do you know all of this?” He asked again, half hidden behind a cushion that was beside him at one point.  
  
                She calmed, “Because I see it, know it like it is how I speak or know how to walk. It is a part of my curse of being the Handmaid. I wish Lord English dead… I wish for the life I never lived because of those people. I wish for a realm of peace and prosperity for my people, not a new generation of slaves” She murmured and turned away from him to look in a mirror on the wall of the room. He lowered the cushion watching her drag a hand across her face in a tired a manor. She turned back to him a moment later, “Back to my offer though… I will pay you a considerable sum for each kill. You owe your friends a… large amount of money, no?” He bristled before nodding, she sat down in front of him again. “You will be able to treat your friends lavishly with each kill… meanwhile, you will have a cover under this shops name and you will help me defeat the Empress before it is too late.”   
  
                He saw Aradia bring in a suitcase stacked with money inside. It was honestly a little hard to open for her and it was set gently down at the other end of the table. He looked at it for a moment, then turned his gaze to the Handmaid in front of him. His jaw was tight and his nails were once again into his pants leg. “Whose my first target?”

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When my editor finishes moving, most of these chapters will be either re-written or updated. 
> 
> Thanks,  
> Cass


	5. Eyes On Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, you all probably hate me at this point. 
> 
> SORRY!!! I had so much to do, then I lost the muse, then I just needed break from life in general. I'm so sorry this took so long for me to one, write, and two, get back to AO3. I won't be officially returning for a while, but hopefully the chapters will start coming back more regularly. 
> 
> Much love! Remember comments help me keep going! 
> 
> -Update 02/06/2016-  
> Just letting everyone know I fixed some errors I found reading it over again. *massive sigh*Regardless, I'll be trying to proofread my work a little more. Thanks so much for sticking with me!

                The paper was far too white he soon realized. It took the sun and reflected it so much that he had to squint even with his sunglasses on. Thankfully he had good breeze up on the roof, where he sat with his legs tangling haphazardly over the edge. For a moment, the little voice in the back of his head reminded him how easy it would be to simply push himself off to the street far, far below. Dirk shivered at the thought despite the mid-day heat. The medicine helped with those thoughts, but it didn’t completely extinguish them.  
  
                The meeting with the Handmaid hadn’t lasted long after she had slid the paper across the table with a single name on it. It was up to him how he was going to take out the target and where to find him according to her. He winced at the term in his mind: _Target._ This person, despite who they were and what they were planning on doing in the future, was now marked for death. Dirk looked at the name, the paper flapping at the end he wasn’t holding onto. Blond hair ruffled in the wind that was bringing a hint of a chill that usually showed up for the briefest instant at the end of December and early January in Texas. Dirk licked his lips slowly, not knowing really what to do at this point in time. The Handmaid literally had piles of money waiting for him as soon as this… person, was taken care of. What was in that suitcase could easily help them with bills. The others were quiet about it, but the medical and court bills were drowning them. Their monthly bills were already tough to handle without his issues, now they had all of that and more. He didn’t make money from the puppet business anymore and he just didn’t find himself in the mood to make them. Hell, even Cal seemed… He forced the thought out of his head.

                The bills would be paid. He wouldn’t have to owe his friends anymore or he could even help pay off Roxy’s school or just buy the damn apartment now they wouldn’t have to deal with the landlord’s shit any more… There was so many opportunities that he could make happen if he had a couple suitcases full of what he saw. Dirk immediately reminded himself that each suitcase equaled someone’s life. Or who knew, a possibility of multiple people… Could he really kill someone?  
  
                Yes, he had killed before. But Nathanial was a murderer, some of the inmates he fought against were rapists and killers too, even the people in the Game had done something wrong. He swallowed, shifting where he sat and shook his head, “Fuck.” He murmured to himself and ran his fingers through his hair. Where did the Handmaid even get that money? How exactly far were they behind in their joint rent? How would he hide the money- or hell, the bodies? How would he keep the police from finding out? Dirk licked his lips again, feeling a rock settle in his chest. He was just asking to go back to prison… but this was an opportunity to good to pass up wasn’t it?  
  
                The Handmaid had promised to find the copy of the Game. She would keep her promise since she had stake in it just as the rest of them did. He’d be killing people who planned on killing his friends, that worked for the Empress with no remorse for him. Didn’t that make it self-defense then? His mind was blank at that thought and he leaned back to fall against the roof’s surface. “Fuck.” He murmured again and looked up to see Jake just step onto the roof. “There you are!” Jake immediately grinned and Dirk immediately stuffed the name inside his pocket and sat up, “Hey.” He greeted softly as Jake came toward him, two drinks in his hand. He offered the orange one to Dirk that he took with a word of thanks. “You haven’t been up here in a while.” He smiled at him sideways and drank out of his ‘gusher green’ soda. Dirk thought they were an abomination from the flavor alone, but didn’t say anything as he drank his own orange soda. Silence fell between them for a moment and Jake licked his lips, determined to help Dirk come more out of his shell.

                “So how are you doing?” Dirk shrugged without answering him, still sipping from the can. Jake looked at him for a few more seconds before looking to the world to their left. Fog, or more smog than anything, was coming slowly off the traffic below and moving upward far above them, “I think it’s absolutely fantastic that you went out yesterday. You were out for a good while too. I’m so proud.” He grinned at him, gently knocking his knee into his from where it joined him in the near deadly hang over the rooftop. Dirk side-glanced him but said nothing again, feeling a mix of feelings inside his chest rise upward again.

_How dare he be proud of him after what he had done?_

                Jake continued to smile at him, knowing that Dirk tended not to answer anyway now days, though he knew he was listening. “The girls want to get you a special dinner tonight, one of your favorites. Any suggestions?” Dirk sipped at his drink again, aware that when they did that they were going to order some sort of expensive take-out. “Don’t worry about it. Pizza is fine if you have to get take-out.”  
  
                While he was at the Handmaids, he talked to her about how he was going to explain the sudden inflow of money and him leaving all the time. She had told him that the cover would be him working at the restaurant. She’d take care of the time cards; co-workers provided the alibi and explained the money. They had done it for quite a few others, so they had the story down to an art form. He had agreed to that and Dirk swallowed as he opened his mouth to repeat the lie to his once-lover.  
Or current lover rather, he honestly wasn’t sure anymore.  
  
                Dirk swallowed and took in a deep breath, “I actually… do have some news.” He murmured, letting the wind carry his voice. Jake’s eyebrows rose as he looked back at Dirk and away from the scenery of the city around them. “What’s that, love?”  
  
                Why did that word always make him feel so dirty? Not in a sexy sort, but in the idea that he was the filth of the Earth. _Love._ Dirk shrugged it off and kept his gaze locked forward. “I got a job. I want to help out with bills.” He told him and silence followed. When he didn’t speak the blond turned his head toward Jake’s very concerned face.

                “Dirk, are you sure? I know it bothers you that we work but you’re just now feeling up to going outside…” The concern on Jake’s face made him nearly sick and he didn’t understand why in the slightest. “There is nothing really here for me when you three are gone. If I want to keep going out and being a part of the world I need some sort of reason to go out.” He told him, the lie sounding so real to his ears he nearly believed it himself. “I ended up getting lost and I asked for directions, they needed help, and hired me after I showed them I could handle a couple of plates at once.” That wasn’t completely a lie in a way. He had been on his way out when he had bumped into a waiter who had nearly lost the entire tray he was carrying if Dirk hadn’t swept in to catch it.  
  
                “So it’s at a restaurant then?” Jake asked, wondering why Dirk had gone to the one place that Jake himself wouldn’t ever want to go for a job. Sure, the tips were nice, but the customers were often rude, egotistical people who made the lives of waiter’s complete hell. “Yeah. Fancy. I can handle it though.” Jake smiled slowly at the look on Dirk’s face that seemed so very determined. “I know.” He whispered and Dirk looked at him, and he repeated it with a sigh, “I know you can handle it. You always do.” The brunette offered his hand to him for a moment and Dirk thought of leaving it there. Something in his heart pulled a bit and he rested his bandaged hands in the other man’s. Jake gently squeezed the fingers that weren’t wrapped.

                Jake looked down at them with that same concerned look he had had a moment ago, “Does it hurt?” He asked quietly looking at their hands that were intertwined now. Dirk looked at them too now, usually trying to avoid the sight. “No, not anymore.”

                Jake swung one leg back over the side of the roof, still letting the other dangle. The bandaged hand now sat in his lap. “May I?” Dirk didn’t say a word as Jake took the tied knot in the bandage in his fingers. He started to pull away and a small voice in his ear whispered to him, _“What could it hurt for him to see what had happened to him?”_ He didn’t know if that was cruel or kind to relinquish a nod for Jake to unwrap his hands.  
  
                The blond wasn’t sure he had held his breath this long before in his entire life. His throat was tight as the white slowly disappeared around his fingers. From above, his hands were the normal pale longer fingered hands they normally were. His nails were trimmed excellently and thin and thick scars decorated the tops of them. Jake ran his calloused fingertips over them gently and Dirk waited for him to slowly turn them over. A sudden thought accorded to him that it might sicken Jake to see them, so he made fists to keep him from looking at them.

                “It’s okay.” Jake whispered to him and took one hand in both of his; slowly opening the fingers to see the red scarring that looked like lightning strikes across the palms of his hands. They were scarred all the way to his fingers, which were so mutilated that there were no longer fingerprints on any of the tips. Jake swallowed hard, seeing where the skin had been nearly turned black, then boiled up with infection, then been drained. “It nearly took you to the bone…” Jake said softly, never having been given the opportunity to look this close at Dirk’s injuries. Dirk stayed quiet, watching the mix of pain and sadness on Jake’s features. His fingertips went over the regrown muscle and skin, seeing how it was shallower in some places and in others it was thicker. “It didn’t grow back well either… How do you manage to use them still?” He asked and Dirk continued to watch him, speaking in a detached voice. “Sometimes they freeze up for a while. Other days I can barely move them from the nerve damage.” This was not just the first time he had talked about his issues with some of his injuries, but letting someone see them.

                “Is that why you tinker so much more than you used to? Because you have to keep them moving?” Dirk nodded without another word and Jake reached up and pressed a kiss to the scarring, making sure first that they were completely healed to the best they could be. Dirk’s eyebrows shot up, looking at him strangely.

                “Why did you do that?” He whispered and Jake shook his head, “I don’t care how bad your scars are.” He whispered, green eyes looked into his sunglasses.

                “Tell me how you got them?” Jake asked and Dirk stared at him, wondering how bad it would be if he told the truth or a lie. He seemed to be living in an ocean of them now days. Perhaps a half-truth would be better.

                “There… was a man. He was stuck in an over-turned prison bus as we were running. I… heard him yelling for help and the bus was on fire. I went in and his shackles had to be broken. There wasn’t anything on the bus I could use and they were hot enough that they were weak and I…” He made the motion of snapping them like that could explain more than just speaking. Jake stared at him, “You just, broke his shackles in half?” Dirk shrugged, taking his hands back, “Yeah well, I survived.” Jake let him and watched him withdrawal.

                The look on Jake’s face was loving, “Always the hero.” He whispered and Dirk froze, orange eyes wide looking at the other, “What?” Jake blinked, realizing he had said it out loud. “You’re always the hero. You just… you’re so brave, Dirk. I love you.”

                He swallowed; looking down at the hands he knew had more blood on them than his ‘big heart’ could ever wash away. He had a flash back of the people that he killed. Would their family’s cry over old pictures, would they be happy that those people were gone? How many did he save by taking a live… how many did he destroy? Could he live with anymore crushing guilt?  
  
                Jake brushed his fingers over the blonde’s knee and gave it a squeeze. “Hey, you’re okay.” He whispered and Dirk looked up at him in confusion. “You were drifting.” Jake explained, “You always get that look on your face when you’re thinking about something you want to forget.” Dirk frowned and nodded, “Are you going anywhere tonight?” He asked and Jake shook his head to the negative. There was quiet between them before Dirk spoke again, “Let’s go… downstairs… watch something?” He twitched his chin toward the staircase leading down to their apartments and Jake seemed relieved when he smiled, “I’d love to.”

~~~

                He wondered how many more times he would be standing across the street from someone he planned to kill. Dirk looked at the name so many times it had been burnt into his brain with thin red writing. It was like someone was writing the target’s name in blood on a black wall inside his head. It suddenly seemed like all he could think about the closer he got to where he needed to be was the wall and the brush strokes of each straight line in each letter of the name. It was rather calming, oddly enough.

                Jake was still asleep on the couch, quietly snoring with his glasses placed gently on the side table where the blond had put them. Gods knew that man went through at least three pair in half a year. He reminded himself to keep on the task and his hand tightened around the black mask he had gotten at a supply store and then carved holes in it for his eyes with a pocket knife he’d had on him. Roxy had bought it for him almost three years ago. It was in the shape of a tiny katana. He hated having to use something that meant so much to him for this act, but honestly, it was a lot easier to hide than a giant sword on his back. Not to mention he had used cash on the hood and it nearly cleaned him out. Who knew that winter supplies would be so bloody expensive in Texas? And if he used a card, it could be tracked to him that he had bought a knife and a hood in the same day.  
  
It occurred him that all his plotting was very… well, criminal like.  
  
                His eyes rolled at the thought. For Christ sake, he was only going off of movie knowledge and what he guessed an actual criminal would do. Dirk took a deep breath, still smoking his cigarette to calm his nerves as he watched his target from outside the shop. If anyone had asked, he was waiting for the bus. Which in fact, was coming in almost fifteen minutes and he knew he had to board without looking like a complete stalker. Dirk breathed out, feeling some of his shakiness go with it. This man, Hedgar Brutus, was a surprisingly easy person to find. There just weren’t enough people with that name for a google search to really be that expansive. Even with researching the name he was given, he made every possible attempt to make sure it couldn’t be tied back to him.

                He nearly choked on smoke when he watched the man inside the butcher shop lift a piece- honestly he wasn’t sure which piece it was- of a cow on top of his shoulder that was easily his size and walk into the freezer section of the meat shop. Brutus was a huge man, easily one of the burliest monsters he had ever seen. Dirk had also spotted a large heart tattoo on the man’s bicep, which he was still confused on why the hell someone had actually rolled up the sleeves on a t-shirt even if it was covered by an apron splattered with blood.

                Dirk slowly let out a low breath, trying to remind himself to breath. A voice that sounded stupidly like Jake’s told him if he had such trouble breathing he should quit smoking. His brain was so full of nonsense today he wasn’t focusing and he almost certainly knew it was the sudden spending of time with the person who haunted his dreams as well as his waking moments. Dirk saw the bus coming and put out the cigarette before tossing it into the trashcan nearby. At least he could say the crime of not being a litter bug was one he wasn’t planning on breaking anytime soon. The sun was descending and it would be time to do the act soon enough. He boarded the bus and leaned his head back. A part of him hoped the bus would have an accident, the other hoped that Brutus would kill him… then a fleeting one before he fell into the briefest of sleeps, was that he hoped someone would stop him.

xXx

                It was crisp now, which was always odd for Austin, Texas. It hadn’t had any frost (which one might think with these temperatures that would be soon on the horizon) but simply biting cold air in a completely empty atmosphere. Dirk walked too fast to really feel it. His eyes were wide and dilated as they flickered around; blood splattered across his nose that he had no idea was actually there. His tall black figure cast shadows from the artificial sickly yellow glow of nearby streetlamps. His breath formed swirls of mist at every quick exhalation and he kept his hands deep within his coat pockets. One clutched the knife; the other clutched the mask. His footsteps didn’t echo around him thankfully, as that would have scared him more than running away from a murder scene.

                He nearly jumped out of his skin when a cruising hum of a taxi drove past him, making splashing sounds at the sewer run-off in the ditch.  It only occurred to him now that he had time to think of what had happened early that day. The events had played in his head so many times over he wasn’t sure he could trust their accuracy any longer.  Anyway he thought about it, the man he had been sent after was dead by his hand. He saw it all again in his mind’s eye. The dead lifeless eyes, how it had happened all so fast, the blood… He remembered how his hand had twitched in one last hope for aid before it laid still. The red drained from the stab wounds and slid into the runoff of the butcher’s shop. The body would be preserved by the freezer for ages until some family member came to look for them. Dirk finally took a bloody hand out of his pocket and clutched the side of a building, feeling bile rise in his throat. _What if he had had a family?_ As if the thought went straight to his gut, he began retching violently.

                He didn’t know where his feet were taking him, but it had to be better than huddling by a building waiting to be caught. Dirk avoided people on the sidewalk when he started to approach the areas that were more filled with night life. His phone vibrated and he didn’t check it, nearly breaking into a full out run as he entered into the darkened district that he had done a few days ago. The restaurant’s sign was still lit and he didn’t even pause in ripping the door open, hard enough for the usually slow pulling door to crack against the outer store front. He went inside and the little woman jerked upright where she was leaned up on her podium. “Where is she?” He croaked and she gestured with one pointing finger toward the beads. Her eyes were clearly frightened of the man with blood on him that smelt of death and faintly of bile.

                Immediately the beads were torn aside and he walked in to the Handmaid lying in the center of her pillow bed. A smoking pipe was between her first and middle finger as she let it rest between her ruby red lips. Her pale legs were exposed; one knee bent and the other stretched out and her robe barely covering her. Dirk came into the room and only know realized he was shaking. “I-It’s done.” He whispered and her hand rose and her fingernails, also red, caught the light, “Proof?” She asked and Dirk swallowed. He carefully removed the mask out of his pocket and offered it to her. Soon as it touched her skin, she rose up. The robe fell off her shoulders and he looked away. As if she was used to handling such things, she smiled as she removed the piece of flesh of the tattoo on it. “Why did you take this piece?” She asked him curiously, tilting her head to the side to look at him as he tried to lite a cigarette with shaking fingers. “Anyone can cut off a finger,” His voice was so much calmer than it should have been, “Try someone cutting off a tattoo that big off without having to kill them first.”  
  
                She laughed, causing him to look at her again. She stood, walking over to the fire and tossing it in. He watched as the skin bubbled and burnt- it nearly made him sick again. “You did well… how did you kill him?” The woman slowly walked back to him and took the lighter from him, the fire dancing on the reflection of him in her eyes. He took a deep breath before answering, having to look away from those dragon fire eyes. “Broke in, stabbed him, left.” He told her and she shook her head, “No… in detail.” She whispered and continued to watch him. They were close now and Dirk nearly backed away, his voice cracked the first time he tried to reply, and then spoke again.  
  
                “He was about to close up shop and I came in with the mask. I… I tried threatening him with the knife at first, but he laughed at me. He punched me and I hit him with the stool that was beside me. He fell back into the meat locker that was open from him trying to set the temperature inside. I…” His eyes were wide as he saw himself run into the room and immediately go for the throat. How he had been so violent he had nearly cut the head clean off. “I… I cut his throat.” He whispered, “And I skinned the tattoo off of him and took the money- like it was a robbery.” The weight of the money, a few hundred dollars, sat heavy in his pocket. Her lips curled into a smile, “Good… very good. And the cameras?” She asked and he shakily replied, “He already turned them off and I had that.” He looked at the mask that was still in her hand.  
  
                She put a hand on his shoulder, her nails biting into his skin, and guided him toward the bathroom. “You need to clean yourself before you go back to your apartment. You have done well… you have saved your friends a thousand times over.” She whispered into his ear and he felt himself relax. Why was her voice comforting him… or rather, making the tension in his features leave slowly but surely. “The Brute will never walk again.” Dirk frowned and turned his head, “The Brute?” His mind flashed back to the Game and his first kill he’d ever done. The Hegemonic Brute had been beheaded and put on a spear to announce the resistance to the Empress. “Yes…” She whispered and he hadn’t realized that they were at a sink and his hands slid into the surface. Red lifted from his hands like smoke underneath the water and he couldn’t stop watching it. “You have eliminated him, yet again.” She smiled, “History has repeated itself and you again are the victor.” A towel was brought over his face and he looked back into her eyes.

                “The Brute is dead…” He breathed and she nodded, brushing the towel over his cheek again. There was something in her eyes he couldn’t place and her mouth was too taught for the smile to be completely real. “And more will come, just like him, to be destroyed now your friends can live freely. You will receive your payment in full.” She unzipped his jacket slowly and pushed it off his shoulders; and he finally came out of his stupor. “Whoa!” He jerked his hands out of the water and backed away from her only to slip and fall into the tub that was already filled with water. He sent a good sized splash over the edge that didn’t seem to reach her. He resurfaced, gasping for air at the sudden dip in the warm water.  “Your jacket…” Her voice was calm, holding in one hand the jacket that somehow she had gotten off of him in the fall. “It is covered in blood. Bathe and you will be sent home with the entire payment for your hard work.” She told him softly, and left the bathroom. He stared after her, orange eyes staring past his lopsided glasses at her retreating figure.  
  
xXx  
  
                 Dirk arrived home at their apartment. It felt wrong. The usual bright colors of their possessions seemed inappropriate. Disrespectful even, to what he had just taken part in. He entered into a deadly silent apartment and quickly put the phone into a bowl of rice.  
  
For Christ sake she could have warned him before sending him into her tub that was far too deep to be called that. The blond glanced around him and started to unload the backpack full of money onto the coffee table in front of the couch that had been pushed back into position just this morning. The bank wouldn’t open until the Monday and the bills were due soon. It would be easier just to pay in cash than go around town to get a money order for hundreds of dollars each. Every sound somehow suddenly sounded like someone trying to enter his apartment, thus he was quick putting the money in rows. He thought about hiding it, but none of the places seemed original. Stuffing the money in the vents, the mattress, the couch and even inside the television seemed ridiculous. In fact, he knew it was ridiculous, but he couldn’t think of any other places until he started to rip up the carpet to put whatever was extra down below.  
  
                In the end, there were several not so noticeable lumps around the apartment that he could blame on something else. Only then did he let out a slow breath. Now was the hard part of trying to get the bills. With a cigarette hanging from his lips, he slowly and carefully went into Roxy’s apartment. She was at the hospital, so he could easily grab the mound of envelopes with bills still inside and sneak back to his apartment. Jake was nowhere in sight, and neither was Jane, which to an extent, worried him profusely. What he couldn't see made him wary the most.  
  
                His heart must have jumped several times as he opened each bill and saw the amounts. It was a damn miracle that they had been keeping payments up this far. Several thousand dollars were owed to a lot of different people. Private investigators, lawyers, court fees, doctors, hospitals, private companies that had been put out when any of the four hadn’t been able to make good on their promises, credit card bills- and that wasn’t even counting their monthly bills like electricity and rent. _"How on Earth were they even eating with these amounts?"_ He froze at the thought.  
  
                Lately Jane had been looking thinner. Granted, he hadn't been the most observational person lately, but he could see the change. When he had thought to ask- or rather, overheard Roxy ask, Jane had blown it off saying it was simply a new diet that one of the teachers had recommended at her school. His face screwed up at the thought and he slowly rose from the couch. His footsteps were still soft as he walked out of his apartment to the one adjacent to his. Of all the people he had been distant from since his return, perhaps Jane was the worst. He hadn't thought she would understand or want to be bothered by his problems, so he had kept her at arms length while Jake pushed his presence perhaps to the elbow on the arm diagram. Roxy had just shoved her weight around until she had made it to the shoulder. His hand rested on the doorknob and he hoped his minor theory was wrong. He let himself inside and headed straight to the refrigerator.  
  
                He nearly swore, closing it with a bang. There wasn't anything besides a loaf of bread that looked very close to being bird food and bottle of ketchup. _“It’s a new diet, Dirk!”_ –His fucking ass. Dirk didn’t doubt in the slightest that the other’s looked the same. He didn't even try to keep his anger in check as he stomped back to his apartment and flopped himself onto the couch again. Careful hands started to take bills and categorize them by when they were due and how much. By the end of it, the money he had on the table and what was hidden was almost entirely gone. His phone beeped behind him and he didn’t check it, knowing it was probably coming back on at this point. He had kept a small pile of hundreds beside him and when every envelope was packed hard enough to stop a bullet, he leaned back in his seat. When Roxy, Jane and Jake returned from their respective jobs, they would absolutely find their kitchens filled. It made him sick to think of what they had had to do to make sure a roof stayed over their- and his- heads. It felt good to help with that now.  
   
                Of course, Dirk realized how sick it was to feel good about such a thing. He had literally just slaughtered someone in exchange for money. His eyes found the stack of envelopes that needed to be mailed now and he frowned. But with this result… how could he be upset with it? He had paid off at least a sixth of the bills alone with what he had made tonight. And Roxy still had her nursing school payments and what if Jane wanted to go to college… Or Jake? Dirk licked his lips and gathered up the mail. He walked outside his apartment to drop them into the shoot that would spiral down to the bags below to mail out, then returned quickly to his apartment grabbing the cellphone as he went. He winced at the water damage, but figured he could at least make one last call with it. A garbled text message was on the front, but he couldn’t read it through the water bubbles. The stack of hundreds would be put toward food and taxable items they needed around their home.  
  
                The phone rang only once before the soft female voice answered, slightly garbled by the speaking being in water, “Mr. Strider, I did not expect you to call for some time after tonight…” His voice was low as he responded, “I often do the unexpected.” There was a pause as he continued to stare at the money that would finally stop Jane from ‘dieting’, that would finally repair Roxy’s ripped scarf from her mother… that would stop Jake from constantly having to use dish soap in his hair. The man didn’t tell him that, but the smell of the dishwasher and Jake’s hair was far too similar for his liking. “Who’s the next target?”  
  
He didn't care how wrong it was. He had a family that needed to be taken care of first.

 


End file.
